You've got Mail
by xxbeyondxbirthdayxx
Summary: Mello is bored. Matt got dumped for the millionth time. They both subscribe to a dating site. Mello subscribes in the female section. Matt falls for this blond girl, without much hope of a reply. Mello wants some fun... CO-AUTHORED WITH DLVVANZOR !
1. Chapter 1

_**Note :** This fic is co-authored with Dlvvanzor, author of too many great fics to name them all, but I really suggest you take a look at her profile to read them !!  
_**_Dlvvanzor : Matt  
xxbeyondxbirthdayxx : Mello_**  
_Lines in italic are the incoming mails._

* * *

**Mello :**  
Fuck. I'm so bored it hurts. Holy fucking shit of boredom. Not like trying to find new swears will help.  
I've switched through TV channels twice. Nothing.  
Tried to find a book I didn't read already. Nothing.  
I've jerked off four times since this morning but now my balls hurt.

I shouldn't have taken days off, I really wonder what went through my mind when I said to my men I would rest a few days. As if I could stop being busy. But that last transaction failure got the best of me- I think I could have killed even my men after that, I was pissed off beyond breaking point.

Ok, let's go back to HQ, before boredom drives me crazy.

Or watch porn on my laptop! (WHAT? YES I'm addicted to sex, what's wrong with that ? Work, chocolate and sex, when you've got gasoline in your veins instead of blood, you've got to get the energy out in a way or another. And I can't kill everyone on Earth so I do them instead)

Ok, let's go for porn, and HQ later. Could I screw one of my men ? No, scratch that, I need them to fear me, not to worship the sex god that I am (not that it wouldn't be fun, but there's no way I let them know that the big boss is gay. No. Fucking. Way. Or maybe I could make it a new rule in the Mafia and shoot the ones that refuse to be gay? That would rock... but well, I'm not running a brothel)

I began surfing through porn sites, trying to erase the monologue running sickly in my mind. This add kept on flashing on every site I visited, and I finally clicked it out of annoyance, maybe it would go away after that.  
Single White Male dot Com. What's that fuck? A dating site. Who needs a website to find a date? Someone who doesn't have my sex appeal, I guess.  
I go out, bar, club, the street even, I choose, I bring it home, as simple as that. Just. Look. At. Me. And take the garbage bag with you when you leave, thanks.

Ok.  
Eyes : blue.  
Hair : blond. Long.  
Height : 5' 7"  
Weight : 114 pounds (Is that a medical test or what )  
Gender : female (Yep, I'll go there, and with my height and weight it's not even suspicious)  
Hobbies : (except killing people, fucking around and eating chocolate ? Oh, and jerking off, don't forget the jerking off...) Motorbike, reading, shopping (Yeah, that looks more girly)  
Occupation : CEO of a multinational society (Not really a lie)  
Looking for : male  
Sent.

I took a picture of me with my cell phone from an angle where it really did make me look girly and added it to my profile. What had I just done? God, boredom makes me really act weird.

Holy shit. My profile's just been posted and I already have mail?  
Oh, that's just the confirmation of my subscription. Would've been fast. But hey, it'd better be fast, I'm already bored again.

Bang. (Yes, my new mail alarm is the sound of a gun.  
Four mails. FOUR FUCKING MAILS.

_"Hey chick, I'm a fireman, wanna try to set me on fire tonight so I can smother your flames with my long..."_ oh no, I don't want to, and you don't have what it takes for my fire.

_"Hello beautiful lady. I totally fell in love with your picture. I am single and you are all I have been waiting for, I am happy I have stayed pure for you because I am sure you are the woman of my life. Please write me!"_ Well, I'm pretty sure, seeing your picture, that it was not your choice to stay pure that long.

_"Call me XXXXXXXXXXXX."_ Pedophile. You're in your sixties at least.

_"Hello! You're pretty, do you mind if we exchange some mails, to know each other?"_  
Knowing each other? What for? Well, you're pretty cute on that pic, so let's have some fun, maybe I can fuck you later? Oh wait, I'm supposed to be a girl. Nevermind.  
"Hi. You're pretty good looking too, would you like to do a threesome with my boyfriend and me?" sent. Dare reply to that.

**Matt:**  
She was so cute, I couldn't even stand it. I mean, just look at her, and you'll want her. Motorbikes as a hobby? I'm sorry, but that's just sexy. And man, a CEO? That's hot. It just is. I saw her profile, and knew I had to make my own immediately so that I could mail her, too.

Eyes: blue  
Hair: copper. Short.  
Height: 5' 6" (Not. A. Word. I wasn't gonna lie to her. Why would I do that? It'll just make her not trust me right from the beginning)  
Weight: 115 pounds (Oh, the angst. I'm like a twig)  
Gender: Male  
Hobbies: Video games, (Shit, what else do I do? ...um... I also... Fuck, I don't do anything else. Screw honesty- I'm gonna lie.) baking chocolate cakes/cookies/brownies (girls LOVE chocolate), motorbikes but I'm just an admirer (She'd like that, and I've played enough racing games that I can probably bullshit my way through it)  
Occupation: (Lazy fuckup? Would a CEO like a lazy fuckup? ...no, backspace.) Video game beta. (Better, but not much. At least it's true)  
Looking for: Female.

I kept wondering... why was a girl like this on a dating site? Was she like a really controlling bitch or something? If so... sexy.

"Hello! You're pretty, do you mind if we exchange some mails, to know each other?  
I leaned back in my seat, proud of myself. Girls always love to be told they're pretty, and in her case, it's even true. It was unlikely that someone like her would reply to me, but I had to take the chance. I couldn't pass her up. I wanted to know her name. At least her name.

(That way, when I die alone, I'll at least have a name to think of... Geeze I suck)

Yes, I'm desperate, so what? I just got dumped for about the millionth time, and the popups for this site kept making my game lag, and I accidentally clicked on one of them. Then I saw that it guaranteed me true love in a month and I couldn't resist. I did a search and found her. Why couldn't I have true love? I wanted true love! And it was starting to look like this site was the only way I was going to get it. Like, ever.

I selected a picture of myself that I had and attached it. I'm not an ugly guy. I'm cute enough.

My mom always used to say I was cute.

...is that bad?

I took a deep breath to calm myself and sent the email. And now we wait.

...Not for long, apparently. _"Hi. You're pretty good looking too."_ Good looking? Yay! I am cute! Take that Tessa! Bwahaha.

I didn't like the second part so much.  
_  
"Would you like to do a threesome with my boyfriend and me?"_ What... the... Hell. Okay, there are a lot of problems with that statement. First off, if she has a boyfriend, why is she on this site? Second, why would I want a girl that picks up extra guys on the internet to make a threesome with? Third off, why would I want to have a threesome with someone I just met? Forth, why would I want to have a threesome with a guy involved, other than me? If it was two girls I might consider.

No. No. That's ridiculous. I'm not like that.

But could I be? For her?

I type slowly. "No, thanks. I'm not into stuff like that." Normally a girl saying that to me would have immediately turned me off. Well, it would have (and had) turned me on, but it would have turned me away from her as a person I might actually be able to love. But... there was something about that picture. It was in her eyes, I think. They were this really cold steel color that 'blue' wasn't adequate for, but they weren't cold. How someone could have eyes like that and not be a cold person, I didn't know. And I had to know. As soon as possible.

She looked like fire.

I had quickly progressed beyond wanting to exchange emails into wanting to meet her, but I knew I had to play it slow. That's what I do: I play things slow. Especially with girls.

Which is why the last three left me- because I wouldn't sleep with them when they asked to, even after a few months. Great, huh? That's what I get for being a gentleman.

Anyway, I had to finish this email, because it looked like she and I were online at the same time, and I was trained to never keep a lady waiting. "I actually just want to talk, for now. Is that okay? So, what are you into? I mean, besides motorcycles, reading, and shopping? :)"

There. Sweet and sensitive. My specialty. My specialty that always failed, but that was irrelevant. It was my specialty, and I was gonna work with it. So there.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Note :** Matt is still written by Dlvvanzor and Mello is still written by me (xxbeyondxbirthdayxx) ^^_

* * *

**Mello** :  
I spent some time browsing through profiles to pass time, as the guy from the last email was online, he would probably reply quickly, or not reply at all, actually. I really pushed it a bit far for a first contact but hey, I'm just here to have some fun and wanted to test that cutie. Maybe if he said ok I could bring him to a threesome becoming a twosome with him and me because the fake girl would stand us up? (Holy shit, I'm taking tricky roads... I'd better just go out and pick a random guy, why would I work so hard on this stupid website to get a guy that's straight?)

All these guys are sooo perfect. I mean, they have great jobs, are tall, sporty, they have a lot of qualities and no flaws. What are they doing here ? I don't even think I could find someone fuckable here, I would probably have a stewart Jonathan Rhys Meyers on the pic and meet a Mac Donalds employee Danny De Vito. (Well ok, I lied in my profile too, but I'm not here to find someone, unlike those pitiful jerks). Not that I really care about the job they do, a one night stand doesn't require diplomas, but I want the guy I bring home to stand out a little, at least.  
Makes me think I didn't look at that guy's profile, I only saw his pic.

Yeah, I really like that pic, I told myself as I looked at it again. More than cute actually (must be the puppy eyes or at least what I can see under those... goggles. Who the fuck wears goggles? Ok. This guy obviously)  
But it's probably not him on that pic. Too cute to be true.  
Or not. 5' 6 ? (He can't have lied on that, who would want to appear short? A sincere guy, my luck. Not his. Out of all those fake profiles, he gets the fakest of all. I can already tell he's the unlucky kind, probably the sincere, kind and trustful guy that gets easily abused. I like that. Yes, I'm a bastard)  
Skinny ? Mmh, I like them skinny. They're easier to turn on their back, on their stomach... (Shit, I think I'm going to need to jerk off soon...)

He's a pure geek from what I see, hobbies : games, job : games. (At least he must have agile fingers...)

HOLY FUCK OF DOOM! This guy can cook chocolate pastries. I marry you right now boy. (Well, maybe not marry you but I'd gladly eat brownies on your bare chest... ok, I'll be right back, call of the right hand...)

I heard the bang of a new incoming mail while I was in the middle of my little affairs, which made it impossible to continue. I couldn't focus anymore, I wanted to see if the guy had replied.

_"No, thanks. I'm not into stuff like that."_ Ooookaaaay. Hey, he's not into that but he replies. Weirdo. Or naive?  
_"I actually just want to talk, for now. Is that okay? So, what are you into? I mean, besides motorcycles, reading, and shopping? :)"_  
O_O What's with that guy. I mean... I clearly bitch myself and he wanna talk. Weirdo. Weirdo. Weirdo. Flashing in bright red letters, even.  
Actually, I'm quite intrigued. And believe me, being the disillusioned guy that I am, it's not easy to intrigue me.  
Ok, I find him extremely cute. That adds to the trick.

"Hi, ok, let's talk. I see you didn't run away in front of my somewhat bad approach. Was just a test, sorry." (I'm making up like I can ok )  
"I'm into chocolate, yeah, really. Like an addiction. And guns. I love guns. That's all, except what's in my profile. So you can bake? :) Hey, if you're only an admirer concerning motorbikes, I can offer a good ride someday."  
(Yes, I know.)  
"By the way, do you have a pic of you without your goggles? You seem to have pretty nice eyes ;)" Sent.

**Matt** :  
The first few notes of Mario's theme song rang out a few minutes later, announcing that someone had emailed me. I checked, and, yes, it was her! Praise be Akatosh and all the divines! She might actually be interested!

...HA! Sometimes I crack myself up.

_"Hi, ok, let's talk. I see you didn't run away from my somewhat bad approach. Was just a test, sorry."_

Unlikely, but I'd go with it if she would.

_"I'm into chocolate, yeah, really. Like an addiction."_

Shit. Now I was gonna have to actually learn to bake. That sucks. There's a library around here somewhere. ...There's also the internet, which has the added bonus not forcing me to be outside, which is always good. Would she like a hermit?

_"And guns. I love guns."_

...Guns? Sounds dangerous. Sounds... kinky...? Was this chick already turning me over to the dark side?? Help me Obi-Won Kenobi!

_"That's all, except what's in my profile. So you can bake? :)"_ (No, not really. But I'll learn!) _"Hey, if you're only an admirer concerning motorbikes, I can offer a good ride someday."_ (Was there a double meaning there?) _"By the way, do you have a pic of you without your goggles? You seem to have pretty nice eyes ;)_" Pretty nice eyes? Really? I mean, I don't, but if she likes them, sweet! I've always thought they were too dark.

What should my expression be? Moody? Happy? Cute? Sexy? Well, since she probably wasn't lying about wanting that threesome, and was probably some kind of sex fiend, I'd pull 'sexy.' The best I could, anyway.

I posed myself until I was happy with it, trying to show off my better qualities without looking like a prostitute. I dropped the goggles around my neck to prove it was still me. I'm not a model, but girls seem to like me, at least initially, and they always melt when I use The Eyes on them.

I attached the picture then added my message. "Coming right up, one Matt, sans perpetual goggles. Can I ask your name? I mean, if that's not creepy. Oh, and in response to your last email, yeah, I can totally bake!" (At least, I'll be able to by the time you want to meet. Which will be never, anyway.) "How about I make you some cookies when you give me that ride?" (She wants double entendre? I'll give her double entendre)

I click send and Mario's famous "here we go!" sounds, informing me that it sent successfully. It was nearly midnight, now, so I didn't really expect her to email me back right away... but... on the off-chance that she did.

This waiting was really going to kill me. I minimize my email provider and set it to 'check for new mail every one minute' like the creeper that I am, then try to distract myself with games. My screamin' fast computer brings up Oblivion in no time, and pretty soon I'm in Lost Boy Cavern, making my Khajiit see in the dark, wishing I didn't already have all the armor the game had to offer when the goblins dropped some. Some of that armor fetches a good price. I was already too close to becoming over-encumbered, though, so I had to leave it and make my health potions on my own. Sigh.  
I had almost managed to forget about her, almost, when Mario's theme jolted me out of my concentration on the miscellaneous daedric monster I was sneaking up on. I exited without saving which, for me, is akin to treason.

When I saw her email, my eyes went wide.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Note :** Thank you everyone for the wonderful reviews! That's crazy!  
Dlvvanzor : **Matt**  
xxbeyondxbirthdayxx : **Mello**_

* * *

**Mello:  
**It was already late when I sent my last email but something told me that as a gamer, this guy wouldn't be the kind to go to bed early. And I'm not the patient kind. He really had to reply fast because boredom was bugging me again.

As I was preparing some hot chocolate milk in the kitchen, I couldn't help but think of that guy with an apron, baking chocolate pastries. That was cute. Naked under the apron. That was sexy now. I'd come from behind and pull on the apron's ties. No apron anymore and... BANG!

I nearly started when I heard the sound of a new incoming mail. I rushed to my laptop (wasn't it supposed to be a game? What's up with the knot in my stomach?).

_"Coming right up, one Matt, sans perpetual goggles."_ Hey, this guy has humour (well he'd better have some, considering that I'm playing with him right now... he won't be happy when he discovers that the round shaped stuff is not located on my chest but in my pants.)

I took a look at the picture enclosed with the email.  
Wow. WOW. WOW!!!  
Fuck, those eyes! Puppy eyes, like I thought. They are a dark shade of blue, with long eyelashes, I really love their color. But it's not the color.  
It's what they say. _Hug me. Love me. I'm fragile, don't hurt me. Bring me home and fuck my brains out.  
_(Well ok, not the last sentence..._ I'd_ love them to say that.)

Somehow I'm really feeling bad now, because it's more than likely this guy is interested and I'm lying to him. I'd almost feel guilty. But it doesn't last. A second look at the picture and all guilt flies away. This guy is pure temptation and I think the rules of the game just changed. It's not about boredom anymore. I want that guy. I _will_ have that guy, no matter what. He's more than cute, he's the most fuckable thing on earth. Shit, I've never been attracted like this, and it's only a picture. I can't imagine the real thing, I would probably jump him right there with or without consent.

Now, how to go about that?  
For the first time in my life, my self confidence falters. I'm trying to get a straight guy, will my overall sexiness be enough? I've made heads turn even among supposedly straight guys before, but I suspect they were simply bi.  
Fuck. This is just a game, who cares if it doesn't work after all?  
Scratch that. Mello never loses.

I don't think that praying to God for a straight guy to be bisexual is recommended (I'd probably end up struck by lightning in the middle of my living room.)

"_Can I ask your name? I mean, if that's not creepy. Oh, and in response to your last email, yeah, I can totally bake!"  
"How about I make you some cookies when you give me that ride?"_  
He wanna know my name. Ok, that's kinda getting serious now. What was his? Oh yeah, Matt. Matt. Mmmmatt. That name sounds like a moan. (It's getting tight in those pants...)  
Oh... you're playing the double meaning thing too... good :) Then I shall give you some more, cutie.

"My name's Mello." (Is that girly enough? Not sure but oh well...) "Thanks for the pic, I confirm you really have beautiful eyes. Well, the rest is pretty nice too actually ;)" (a little compliment won't hurt, and it's true after all, and I didn't say fuckable!!!)  
"I'd gladly have a bite of your cookies... I can totally imagine you with an apron... or without ;)" (I have to know if this guy will go on with the double meaning or will want to have a more serious talk, so I can trap him better.)  
"I hope you won't feel offended by my question, you don't have to reply if you don't want to, but what's a guy as cute as you doing on such a site? I can't believe you need that to find a date. Do you have a shameful flaw or something? ;)" (ok, that's NOT original but we need some more consistent talk, I don't want that guy to get bored and stop writing. I could always track his mails and find him but I don't think he would appreciate the girl, well, guy he thinks is a girl knock at his door and say "Hi, I'm Mello! By the way, I'm a guy, and you won't get away before I have fucked you!")  
"To even the scale, I thought I'd send you another pic of me, just to be fair ;)"  
I enclosed a second pic I'd just taken, this time with not just my face, but my entire self (thank you mirror), strategically posed to hide the fact I don't have boobs. I would hit on myself, looking at that pic.  
Sent.

**Matt:**  
"_My name's Mello. Thanks for the pic, I confirm you really have beautiful eyes. Well, the rest is pretty nice too actually ;) I'd gladly have a bite of your cookies... I can totally imagine you with an apron... or without ;) I hope you won't feel offended by my question, you don't have to reply if you don't want to, but what's a guy as cute as you doing on such a site? I can't believe you need that to find a date. Do you have a shameful flaw or something? ;) To even the scale, I thought I'd send you another pic of me, just to be fair ;)"_

And there was a picture.

Oh my dear holy princess-fucking-Zelda.

Mello... that was her name. I tried it out, and the sound rolled off my lips like it belonged there. I said it again and it felt just as good. What a name. Mello. I wondered where she could be from, to have a name like that. Should I ask? No, then I'd sound like a stalker. I wonder if she has an accent!

This picture told me all of it. Everything I needed to know. It explained the dirty comments that were giving me issues in my lower regions (I mean, imagining me naked? And why would I get the apron? I'm the guy. Although it could be nice to be on the bottom for once...) Anyway, the picture explained it all.

It was taken in a mirror, I could tell. It featured her back, her head turned so I could see her profile. She had this smirk on that just about drove me crazy right then and there. It said "I'm gonna rape you and you're gonna love it." This chick radiated sex. And power. And attitude. And a self-confidence that I have never and would never have. If she wanted you, she was going to get you. Period. End of story.

And I liked that. I liked that a lot.

From that picture, I learned all at once that she looks like an angel but acts like the devil himself.

That contrast, that contradiction, only sucked me in more. She was probably going to be bad for me. We would probably last like seven minutes actually together. She'd probably beat me to a pulp if I screwed up, and I would definitely be walking a really thin line.

But I knew- I could sense- that it'd be worth it. That those would be the best seven minutes of my life, and that nothing would be worth passing them up.

I looked closer, almost pressing my face into the screen. There was something behind her, reflected in the mirror. What was that? I copied the picture into a photo editor and blew it up. My program was really good, so the picture quality remained even though it was now huge.

It was her bedroom, apparently.

Um, wow, she kind of lived in a hellhole. Interesting. It was an apartment, but it seemed to be mostly falling apart. I mean, my apartment isn't any better, but still. An angel CEO that acted like a devil and lived in Hell. She got more and more interesting.

And there were little crumpled balls of tinfoil everywhere, which could very easily be chocolate wrappers.

I smiled to myself. She wasn't a liar, then. Who would lie about a chocolate obsession and then think to put wrappers everywhere? An honest girl, for once. Refreshing.

Still smiling, I finally managed to peel myself away from her picture and reply to her email. (I did save the picture to my computer, though.)

"That's a pretty name, Mello. So unique, just like you. :-) From your picture, I can honestly say you're the sexiest creature on the face of this Earth. I nearly came in my pants." (Too much? Maybe. But I think she'd like that.) "No worries, I don't mind answering that. See, I was playing games online and I accidentally clicked on a popup for this site. Then I came across your profile, so I signed up so that I could talk to you. :) I'm not perfect, of course, but I dunno, I must have a particularly shameful flaw that I don't know about because girls just keep dumping me. It's crazy. One of my friends when I was a kid, his name was Nate, was always telling me I was like a puppy. I don't think that, but hey, maybe he'd know better than me. Anyway, I can usually get a date, they just seem to be fond of dumping me with no explanation. Okay, sob story over. I could ask you the same question. You're... totally smokin' hot! How could you POSSIBLY need this website? And THANK YOU for the picture!"

I read over it a few more times to make sure I was happy with it, and then clicked send.

'Here we go!' Thank you Mario.

It was late, but I wasn't tired at all. I'd stay up as late as she would.


	4. Chapter 4

_**Note :** Thank you wonderful reviewers! Dlvvanzor is still Matt, and I'm still Mello !_

* * *

**Mello:**  
As soon as my email left my outbox, I headed to the kitchen to pour myself some more hot chocolate milk, then grabbed some bars in my stash and sat back on my couch, in front of my laptop.

There was a chance Matt would actually sleep sooner or later and I would wait uselessly, but I knew I couldn't sleep anyway (it was strange to think of him with his name instead of '_that guy'_, it felt like a certain closeness, and it made me feel weird. I usually don't even know the name of the guys I bring home, not that I cared anyway, I make them scream MY name, not the opposite).

Who knows who he would contact on this site while I was asleep myself, if I went to bed now? Actually, is he exchanging emails with other girls?  
No way, he couldn't think of chatting with anyone else after seeing my profile, let's face the truth. Or could he?  
(I was NOT jealous. I was just having thoughts of murder toward anyone emailing MY Matt).

A new incoming mail shot through my ears as I was nervously tapping my fingers on the couch's arm and snapping chunks of my third chocolate bar.

_"That's a pretty name, Mello. So unique, just like you. :-)"  
_Oh. Hey. Shit. This guy is sweet (and that rimes, I could always be a songwriter someday).  
No one ever talked to me like that actually. I was more used to stuff like "hey babe, nice ass"...

"_From your picture, I can honestly say you're the sexiest creature on the face of this Earth. I nearly came in my pants."  
_Sweet but blunt. I like the paradox. And I like the image it gave me. (Breathe in, breathe out).

MATT YOU'RE GETTING HARD IN FRONT OF A GUY YOU STRAIGHT ASS!!! TAKE THAT!!!  
I would almost make the victory dance. Almost.

_"No worries, I don't mind answering that. See, I was playing games online and I accidentally clicked on a popup for this site. Then I came across your profile, so I signed up so that I could talk to you. :) I'm not perfect, of course, but I dunno, I must have a particularly shameful flaw that I don't know about because girls just keep dumping me. It's crazy. One of my friends when I was a kid, his name was Nate, was always telling me I was like a puppy. I don't think that, but hey, maybe he'd know better than me. Anyway, I can usually get a date, they just seem to be fond of dumping me with no explanation. Okay, sob story over. I could ask you the same question. You're... totally smokin' hot! How could you POSSIBLY need this website? And THANK YOU for the picture!"_  
He subscribed just for me. I rock.

I felt sorry for him, I mean, yeah, he has puppy eyes (and although I like them a bit too much, I don't like feeling that they could work on me) but these girls are bitches. Or stupid.  
See, I would never dump a guy like him, I would keep him somewhere in my apartment for when I feel like petting him. Like a puppy. (Yeah, I'm still a bastard, didn't change since last time). But still, I wonder why they dumped him. He can get dates. Of course he can, with such a pretty face. Then what's wrong with him?  
Huh, just like I cared. I just want him in my bed, he could be the ugliest person inside, I don't give a shit as long as he opens his legs. His legs... (Is he red_ there_ too, I wonder...)

I typed my answer as quickly as I could, the faster I reply, the faster Matt replies back. "So many compliments at once, be careful, I could get used to it ;)  
You _nearly_ came? Well, I'll have to do better next time then ;)  
On the face of this Earth only? I like to think I'm the sexiest in the whole universe, but I'll give it to you since I never visited any other planet :)  
Girls usually love puppies, that's strange, but I guess I'll have to discover this horrible flaw myself. And if there's none, then I won't be obliged to dump you to the nearest pet care center ;)  
To tell the truth, I subscribed because I was bored, and the ad for this site kept on flashing on the porn sites I was browsing on. I mainly clicked in hope of making it disappear, then I thought it would be fun to subscribe. And I have to admit it's getting really... interesting.  
I'm sorry for being so blunt, but do I have competition or do I have the chance to be the only one exchanging mails with you? In other words, tell me who I have to shoot ;)"  
Sent.

I had just sent my email that I was already pacing back and forth in my living room, dreading his reply. Why was I so much fearing that he would stop writing? And what if he did stop? He was not the only cute guy on Earth after all.  
But I had to be honest with myself: he was not just a cute guy anymore. He was Matt.

The bang from my email provider resounded not even five minutes later. I could feel my fingers tremble while I laid my hand on my mouse to read this new incoming mail.  
My heart fell in my feet when I read his answer...

**Matt:**  
After I sent my email, I used my mad internet searching skills to find a recipe for double chocolate chip cookie. Amazingly, I had the ingredients. I dunno how that happened, because I hadn't been grocery shopping in weeks, but I had them. I printed them out and walked into the mostly unused kitchen.

Okay, so pre-heat the oven. How do you do that? Oh! There's a button that says 'preheat.' That's convenient. Okay, now I have to mix the...

Fifteen minutes later I had a bowl of cookie dough, and I rolled out the little balls and put them in the oven like I was supposed to. There. That had gone surprisingly well. Maybe I had a gift for baking! Wouldn't that be handy?

Mario's theme song told me that I should be running back to the computer now, and I vaulted into my seat, opening the email as fast as I could.

_"So many compliments at once, be careful, I could get used to it ;) You nearly came? Well, I'll have to do better next time then ;)" _Bitch is trying to kill me! Death by hard on! Dammit! _"On the face of this Earth only? I like to think I'm the sexiest in the whole universe, but I'll give it to you since I never visited any other planet :) Girls usually love puppies, that's strange, but I guess I'll have to discover this horrible flaw myself. And if there's none, then I won't be obliged to dump you to the nearest pet care center ;)"_ Um... good? Was that good? Or was that her way of telling me that she'd dump me if I wasn't perfect? _"To tell the truth, I subscribed because I was bored, and the ad for this site kept on flashing on the porn sites I was browsing on."_ Porn? Huh, I didn't know girls looked at porn. Probably yaoi porn. _"I mainly clicked in hope of making it disappear, then I thought it would be fun to subscribe. And I have to admit it's getting really... interesting."_ Hopefully in a good way. Interesting can mean too many different things! Be specific! _"I'm sorry for being so blunt, but do I have competition or do I have the chance to be the only one exchanging mails with you? In other words, tell me who I have to shoot ;)"_

I almost laughed, and I typed back hurriedly. "Mello, it's been three hours, but already there's no one else but you. There's no one to shoot, because no one's going to compare." I really hoped that didn't sound too creepy. I started a new paragraph on the email to emphasize my point and make it stand out.

"So as long as you've started asking questions, would you like to play a game with me? You know I like games... and I'm pretty sure you're the playful kind, too... ;)" Keeping up the ambiguous meanings, yes siree. "It's a high stakes RPG battle game... where I ask you a question and you have to answer it. No matter what. And you can't pass. And then you can ask me a question, and the same thing applies to me. We both ask five questions."

I grinned. She'd like this, I knew she would. I put my cigarette in a strategically-placed ashtray so that I could focus all my attention on what I was going to ask her. I only got five, so it had to count, but it also couldn't be too personal or she'd refuse to play the game.

Okay.

"If you want to play, answer this question: How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had in the past, including at this moment?"

Hey, she might be bi, and that would be fine with me. As long as she wanted me, that's what I cared about.

I muttered it under my breath along with Mario when I sent it- "here we go."


	5. Chapter 5

_**Note :** Dlvvanzor : Matt, xxbeyondxbirthdayxx : Mello  
Here we go !  
_

_

* * *

_**Mello:  
**_"Mello, it's been three hours, but already there's no one else but you. There's no one to shoot, because no one's going to compare."  
........._ (Yeah, I'm speechless)  
(Do I do the victory dance now?)  
Ok, Matt, YOU shot me. Straight home.

I felt incredibly happy. Happy? I would have thought satisfied, full of myself... But no, nothing like that.  
Well, at least he knows how to talk to me, this guy has some self preservation instinct. No, scratch that. Actually I felt sincerity in his words. And it made me feel high. It made me feel... unique.  
What's behind those puppy eyes Matt, I really wanna know... (Shit I'm going sappy).

_"So as long as you've started asking questions, would you like to play a game with me? You know I like games... and I'm pretty sure you're the playful kind, too... ;)" _  
Ohoho! Double meaning time? Hell yeah, let's play babe! I hope you're the prize, Matt.

_"It's a high stakes RPG battle game... where I ask you a question and you have to answer it. No matter what. And you can't pass. And then you can ask me a question, and the same thing applies to me. We both ask five questions." _  
I couldn't help myself but laugh, Matt's humor is really entertaining. Usually I hate when people make jokes. It makes me want to beat them to a pulp.  
And the game itself was a bit like playing with fire. I didn't know if I liked that because I could have to answer questions that would put me in a pretty bad situation, but I wouldn't let him get away so I would play.

_"If you want to play, answer this question: How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had in the past, including at this moment?" _  
Pretty smart question, kinda like asking the same I did without looking like he is. Ok, I was not really looking serious and moral in my previous mails so it's fair from him to ask, I could well be dating many guys (and I would have, I guess, if I wasn't talking to him).

I took some time to think of what I would write, and began typing my reply. I was torn between the will to lie so he wouldn't run away, and the guilt of not playing fair.  
What should I do? I wanted him, absolutely. I couldn't let Matt slip from my fingers.  
But I had difficulties to deal with the knot in my stomach. Each time I was thinking of a lie, I had his puppy eyes in mind making me feel like shit.

"Great, because I'm kinda possessive and trigger-happy ;)

I'm in for the game, so here's my answer to your first question : I'll be honest, I never counted and I am unable to give you a precise number. All I can say is that I never had what could be called a serious relationship.  
Many one shots. Only one shots, actually.

I never really thought of getting involved in something serious. I'm addicted to sex and to tell the truth, my one night stands were enough for me, no need to care about what I do or say, no need to worry because I'm coming home late from work, or not coming home at all. I guess I'm not easy to live with, anyway... I've always been alone so I'm not very good at dealing with people if they're not my subordinates.

And as for now, there's no one either. As I told you in a previous email, the boyfriend and threesome thing was just a joke. I was in a different state of mind at first, I just wanted to have fun, either by replying some weird answers to people contacting me or finding someone for the night. Some creepy guys contacted me on this site but you're the only person I replied to.

I hope my answer isn't too much of a cold shower for you, I didn't want to lie to you, after all, if something is up, then you'd better know in advance how much of a horrible person I am ;)

I only had one girlfriend, but it was enough for me to know I'm not into girls. It was long ago, I was 14.  
By the way, this is a topic that hasn't been brought up yet so I thought you'd want to know, I'm 21.

Now's my first question (the one from my last email didn't count ;)):  
Have you ever considered having sex with a guy?" (I hope he won't relate with the threesome and start to have doubts about my gender...)

Sent.

As soon as I sent the email, I regretted it. He wouldn't reply. Matt would never want to keep on writing to a girl that's such a bitch.  
But WHY do I care? If he doesn't reply, I'll make a search on the site, or just go out tomorrow evening, and I'll find someone else. It's not like prey is lacking.  
I was slowly feeling more and more down. I should have lied. Or just stopped caring so much.  
I was hating what I felt. Because I felt vulnerable and that was NOT Mello. Why did I have to be so talkative? How come words flew out of my fingers like it was the most natural thing on earth?

I was starting to feel a bit scared, I never tell that much about me, being a Mafia boss doesn't allow you to give informations on yourself. But I wasn't scared for the informations I had given, for it was nothing compromising, I was scared because Matt seemed to have some effects on me I never allowed anyone to have.

That was gonna be a long wait... a long and stressful wait. I needed more chocolate.

**Matt:**  
Her reply was slower this time, but when it arrived, I could only stare at the computer screen, the cursor blinking steadily and the monitor casting its blue glow in the darkened room. Her words left me rubbed raw, like someone had cut me open and scraped my guts out like a pumpkin at Halloween.

She was a master: she started and ended with casual humor, hiding the meaningful stuff in the middle of the email and trivializing it with smiley faces. As if this stuff hadn't hurt her. As if she didn't mind that she had never made a connection with anyone in her life. As if a human being, any human being even someone like her, can continue on like that forever. As if she liked being alone. Maybe she even believed it, now.

People can convince themselves of anything.

Even that they're a "horrible person," which she also tried to trivialize with a smiley face. How could she think of herself that way? This beautiful, complex person.

I wanted, right then, to hold her. Just hold her close and show her what it was like to be near somebody who... loves her.

Loves her.

I'd always been the type to fall quickly, but this was different. All the other times, I knew deep down that it wasn't real. But Mello... if she's exactly who I believe she is and she's not really some creepy internet stalker or something, then she's the one. I knew already that being away from her was not an option, that leaving her was not an option. I knew that if she was ever mine, there would be nothing she could do that would drive me away.

Forget the 'incredible seven minutes' thing.

She was the one. Wow.

_"Great, because I'm kinda possessive and trigger-happy ;)_

_I'm in for the game, so here's my answer to your first question: I'll be honest, I never counted and I am unable to give you a precise number. All I can say is that I never had what could be called a serious relationship.  
Many one shots. Only one shots, actually._

_I never really thought of getting involved in something serious. I'm addicted to sex and to tell the truth, my one night stands were enough for me, no need to care about what I do or say, no need to worry because I'm coming home late  
from work, or not coming home at all. I guess I'm not easy to live with, anyway... I've always been alone so I'm not very good at dealing with people if they're not my subordinates."_ (Oh Mello...)

_"And as for now, there's no one either. As I told you in a previous email, the boyfriend and threesome thing was just a joke. I was in a different state of mind at first, I just wanted to have fun, either by replying some weird answers to people contacting me or finding someone for the night. Some creepy guys contacted me on this site but you're the only person I replied to._

_I hope my answer isn't too much of a cold shower for you," _(The opposite, Mello, it made me fall in love with you) _"I didn't want to lie to you, after all, if something is up, then you'd better know in advance how much of a horrible person I am ;)"_ (If you ever say that in front of me, I'll kiss you until you can't form a coherent thought.)

_"I only had one girlfriend, but it was enough for me to know I'm not into girls. It was long ago, I was 14.  
By the way, this is a topic that hasn't been brought up yet so I thought you'd want to know, I'm 21."_ (I'm past caring how old you are.)

_"Now's my first question (the one from my last email didn't count ;)):  
Have you ever considered having sex with a guy?"_

My smoking had fried my sense of smell, so I didn't notice immediately that the cookies were burning in my kitchen. When my smoke alarm went off I leaped to my feet and sprinted over there, throwing on an oven mitt and removing the smoldering cookies. They were burnt to a crisp. Sigh. At least my kitchen wasn't on fire.

I dumped the whole deal in the sink and hurried back to my computer. I didn't want her to think I'd stopped talking to her because of what she said.

"Mello, let me just clear something up. Being alone, one night stands, sex addiction... none of that makes you a horrible person. We've never met, but I know what I'm talking about. I know YOU, and you're just... you're amazing. You're not a horrible person, and if you ever say that again in front of me there'll be repercussions.

I'm also twenty-one. Yay for being legal, right? (Ha-ha)"

Her question, though. That was a difficult one to answer.

"No, I've never seriously considered sleeping with a guy. It's crossed my mind, because, I mean, everyone wonders about how straight they really are, right? Especially after getting dumped and stuff. But I've never really let my imagination go very far.

And it's time for my question: Are you into yaoi?"

There. That would be a subtle way of figuring out why she kept asking me about things in relation to guys. And a lot of girls are into it, so it wasn't even too awkward of a question.

I checked it over briefly for spelling errors, sent it ('here we go!'), and trudged reluctantly back to the kitchen to try the cookies again.


	6. Chapter 6

_**Note :** Oh my dog, so many reviews! Thank you all!  
Dlvvanzor : Matt  
xxbeyondxbirthdayxx : Mello_

* * *

**Mello:**  
_"Mello, let me just clear something up. Being alone, one night stands, sex addiction... none of that makes you a horrible person. We've never met, but I know what I'm talking about. I know YOU, and you're just... you're amazing. You're not a horrible person, and if you ever say that again in front of me there'll be repercussions."_  
O_O  
Matt, you really wanna die, right? No one ever threatens me like this. NO ONE.  
Well, ok, maybe you can. After all, it was out of a compliment. But... yeah, I'm lying to myself, I know it.

It touched me. I mean, I am someone bad, I know it and have always accepted it. That's part of my job. I'm pissed off most of the time, I treat people badly, I've killed, abducted, stolen, I've whored myself to get where I am, I am doing illegal stuff on an everyday basis, and I try never to think of what my life would be if I'd been raised in a normal family, with parents, gone to school, found a normal job and so on. I would kill myself otherwise.  
So having someone like Matt telling me what deep inside I would love to believe, that I'm not horrible, is just tearing me apart.

You don't know me Matt... otherwise you would have ran away already... but it's good to imagine that you would wanna do something against my negative feelings... that you could care...

I shook these thoughts out of my mind. It's not like I was hoping to change my life now, or to have someone care for me. I can take care of myself. So let's go back to the game and get rid of this guilt pinching at my conscience. He's only playing along, there's no need to feel bad, it's not like he was in love with me, hey, that would be funny, in love with a girl he thinks is amazing when I'm just a bored guy he'll get tired of writing to in a few mails. And I could always tell him I'm a guy if I'm getting bored myself. So much for wanting him absolutely, huh? I'd better push him away before someone gets hurt. Him I mean, not me, of course.

"_I'm also twenty-one. Yay for being legal, right? (Ha-ha)"_

_"No, I've never seriously considered sleeping with a guy. It's crossed my mind, because, I mean, everyone wonders about how straight they really are, right? Especially after getting dumped and stuff. But I've never really let my imagination go very far._"  
Unlike me, obviously. I've let my imagination go very far with you Matt...

And, on these thoughts, my mind wandered again. I quickly got back to reality when I realized my thoughts were focused on being hugged by Matt. There was something totally wrong with that, it wasn't sexual. I was in need of chocolate, probably, I can't think right when I don't have enough chocolate.  
(No, the four bars I had in the last two hours are NOT enough.)

"_And it's time for my question: Are you into yaoi?"  
_WTF??? I think I'm trapped. Is he starting to guess? Maybe not, he may think I'm a yaoi fangirl, simply, with all my questions related to guy on guy sex... I really have to be careful with my reply...

"I'd gladly say that again, just to know what you're calling repercussions ;)  
But thanks for the compliments, even if you're wrong... see? (Now what? Whips? Bites? Spanking? ;))

More seriously, I just wanna make sure you're not imagining me as just a kinky antisocial girl because being a sex addict that never had a serious relationship is far from being the worst about me. You're telling me beautiful things and it touches me, but I feel bad because I could almost believe them, and I don't have the right to, I'd have the impression I'm fooling you.

I'll answer your question now.  
I guess I can say I'm into yaoi. I mean, yeah, I watch gay porn, I loved Brokeback Mountain...

My second question is probably a bit too personal and direct, but here we go :  
What's the worst thing that's ever happened to you? (except meeting me ;))"

Sent.

I sighed heavily.  
I wondered if my words would persuade him not to reply. Was I scary enough to make him run away?  
I wished he would end it now. It would be easier. Because I was unable to end it myself.

**Matt:**  
_"I'd gladly say that again, just to know what you're calling repercussions ;) But thanks for the compliments, even if you're wrong... see? (Now what? Whips? Bites? Spanking? ;))_

_More seriously, I just wanna make sure you're not imagining me as just a kinky antisocial girl because being a sex addict that never had a serious relationship is far from being the worst about me. You're telling me beautiful things and it touches me, and I feel bad because I could almost believe them, but I don't have the right to, I'd have the impression I'm fooling you._

_I'll answer your question now.  
I guess I can say I'm into yaoi. I mean, yeah, I watch gay porn, I loved Brokeback Mountain...  
__  
My second question is probably a bit too personal and direct, but here we go.  
What's the worst thing that's ever happened to you? (except meeting me ;))"  
_  
I sighed as I read her email. I brought up her picture again, making it the wallpaper on my computer so I wouldn't have to keep opening My Pictures to see it. My epic computer kept the picture's perfect quality, and I looked at her. Hard. At her eyes, at that smirk, at what I could see of her body.

No.

No matter what she said, even if she believed it, I wouldn't. The sharp intelligence in her eyes, the fire in her smirk. Maybe she'd done bad things. Maybe she'd even killed someone. But I was convinced, and I knew my mind would never be changed, that she was beautiful.

I frowned, trying to figure out how to smoke while sucking on the burn I now had on my finger from my last attempt at making cookies. I finally decided that it was impossible to do both at once and decided to just let my finger throb so I could smoke in peace. Stupid addiction.

With another sigh, I started to type.

"I've... never really believed that doing bad things makes you a bad person. Sometimes people just... do things. I mean, even if you've killed someone, you're not automatically... bad.

I dunno. I can't explain what I'm trying to say. But either way, it ties in to my answer of your question.

About fifteen years ago, two men entered my family's house at three o'clock in the morning. Their names were Augusten Anderson and Jin Lakes. You may recall them from the news. Maybe not, I don't know: I may have just paid more attention to their story than most people did. Anyway, working together, Anderson and Lakes murdered a total of fourteen people in ten days. The twelfth, thirteenth, and fourteenth murders took place on that night, and they were my mother, my father, and my older sister. Lakes grabbed me but I stabbed him with a shard of the window they had broken to get into the house. I was only six, but I was old enough to understand what was going on. Anderson left Lakes there to bleed to death, and the whole time Lakes was screaming for him... just... screaming... and crying, and screaming more, and I couldn't take the screaming so I stabbed him again and then he just... went still. I shouldn't have. He probably wouldn't have died if I hadn't stabbed him again. Anderson ran straight into the police that were outside my house. They put him in jail.

I imagine you can now tell why I want to believe that what you DO doesn't necessarily make you a good person or a bad person. I can't even believe that Lakes was a bad person for murder, because it would mean that I was, too. So I just justify it and tell myself that, yeah, he fuckin' murdered my family, but I don't know, like... his soul. Because I don't want to be like him... even though we did the exact same thing...

I'm sorry. I know my logic's fucked up, but it's the only way I can deal with having killed someone. The courts said it was self-defense, but I know what I did. I didn't have to stab him that second time.

I'd say that was the worst thing that's ever happened to me.

Close second was two weeks ago, when they let Anderson out on a technicality."

I leaned back hard in my seat, tears rolling down my cheeks. I could still see it, not surprisingly. I couldn't remember my family's faces anymore, but I could still see every inch of Lakes as clear as day. I could remember his fingers as they splayed out when I killed him with that second stab, his hair matting with blood. I could remember what it was like to slice through someone's skin and muscle as easily as butter. I could remember what it was like to grip broken glass so hard that you need stitches in your hand and the doctors tell you you're lucky to still have a palm in one piece.

I still had to ask her a question. Alright, fine.

"I still have a scar on my right hand from gripping the glass. Which leads to my question for you- do you have any scars with a story? I'm sorry, I know that's a lame one."

I turned down the volume on my computer so that I wouldn't have to listen to the perpetually-cheerful Mario right now. Sorry, buddy. I sent it. Without commentary from my video game hero.

I glanced at the clock on my computer. It was five in the morning. No problem for me, I could work and sleep anytime I wanted with the job I had, but at some point the CEO was going to have to sleep.

I turned the volume back up so I'd hear the theme song if she replied, minimizing everything I had on-screen, propping my elbows up on the computer desk.

Which left me face-to-face with my beautiful lady.

I almost laughed through my tears, letting my face fall into my hands.

Like she'd want me now.


	7. Chapter 7

_**Note :** Aaaaangst *lol*  
Thank you wonderful reviewers!  
Dlvvanzor : Matt  
xxbeyondxbirthdayxx : Mello_

* * *

**Mello:  
**Matt's mail arrived in my mailbox with a loud bang as I was dozing off, sat on my couch with my head leant back.  
I cursed in a sigh. He had replied. He wasn't scared of me.  
Somewhere deep inside of me I felt relief along with something that was close to fear.  
Oh God, I hated that so much... I wasn't easily scared. What am I saying? I was never scared. Not even by a gun pointed at my head. And that had happened more than once.  
But the gun wasn't pointed at my head right now, it was aiming at my heart.

I stared at the wall past my laptop as I felt my chest pump my blood faster, making my heartbeat resound in my ears. I breathed, trying to exhale this foreign feeling. If I can't control it, I have to get rid of it. I read the email when I was sure I had myself under control.  
A control that shattered when I was only halfway through the mail. I kept on reading, forcing my eyes to stay focused when all I wanted to do was to close them to retain the tears I could feel forming, and soon rolling down my cheeks. What he wrote sent me back to years ago, when I was 15. When I killed for the first time. It's hard to deal with that when you're 15, and it stays with you, curled deep inside of you, hurting you like a knife you swallow and that has finally settled there like a new organ. A new organ rotten by a burning ulcer reminding you what you've done with regular attacks of acid guilt. And there's no cure for that.

But at 6? Matt...  
At that sudden moment I understood everything that laid behind those puppy eyes. Everything I had asked myself the many times I'd stared at the picture he sent me.  
Matt had been forced to become an adult at 6 years old. Six. Fucking. Years. Old.  
Forced to live with the memories of his family murdered in front of him. With the guilt of having killed someone. And with no one to comfort him, tell him he did nothing wrong.

I admired him. I mean... after all he's been through, he's able to have a normal life. He has a job, he had girlfriends...  
Girlfriends... I think I knew why he's got dumped each time. How ironic. Matt wasn't scared of me, when everyone was usually shaking in their boots knowing half of what he knows about me, and I was having that growing feeling of protectiveness toward a guy that probably had made girls run away because they couldn't deal with Matt as a sensitive and fragile man. Girls want to feel safe, not to have to make their boyfriend feel safe. Bitches.

I went back to his mail, but I couldn't make it till the end. I grabbed my Beretta, my feather-ornate jacket and my motorbike keys, and left.

When I came back home around 7am and closed the door behind me, I realized my laptop was still glowing its light in my now half-lit-by-sunrise living room, reminding me that someone was probably waiting for my answer. Well, maybe not, Matt had probably gone to bed at that time, and it was not like we had agreed on spending both our time behind the screen forever. But still... I hurried and typed my reply, just in case, I didn't want him to worry.  
Was he worrying?

"Matt, I'm sorry I didn't reply immediately. I had to go out and I'm just back. But I guess you're probably sleeping now, so while you're having sweet (I hope) dreams, I'm going to tell you a few things I have in mind related to the experience you told me about in your last email. While I'm too confused to think of backing up or fear that you'll laugh at me (but feel free to do so when you'll have read me, I know it will probably sound stupid).

Matt, you are not a bad person, and at 6 you had the guts to save your own life. And even now, you seem to be someone who's still hoping to get from life the happiness you deserve. Your smile tells me that even the broken kid hidden at the back of those puppy eyes never managed to kill the beautiful person that you are, and the wonderful and complete person that you will become when you'll find the one that can fix your doubts and make you feel safe.

I'll reply to your question, which is, coincidentally, related to the worst that has happened to me. I can't pass so I guess I don't have a choice but to tell you, but I'm pretty sure that after you read that, we'll never reach the fourth question ;)  
I have a scar. That's something ugly eating the left half of my face, my left shoulder and a little lower on my chest. That's why I only provided pictures of my profile without the scar...

The story is simple: I was 15, I had ran away from the foster home I've been placed in after I've been fired from the orphanage because I was too much trouble, because the foster dad beat me up each time he came home drunk, which was almost every day. I had to find a way to survive in the streets and found some people to help me, but they gave me a mission to see if I could work with them, and in the middle of it I didn't have a choice but to blow the place I was in to save the situation. That earned me the scar, and the highest rank in my actual job. I guess you don't get anything without giving something in return...

Which makes me want to ask you this, as a third question:  
If you ever reply (which I doubt...), why do you reply? Anyone sane would freak out and run away. I'm pretty sure you're not like those freaks turned on by danger and attracted by all the guns/bike/sex attitude.

You seem to be sensitive and fragile, and yet you have the power to make me talk. Who are you, Matt?  
Who are you to be able to talk to me this way, and actually get answers from me, and I'm not even feeling like beating the shit out of you like I'd have done with anyone else?

Ok, that's many questions in one... but I guess it's all the same, the only reply will be your silence. Don't feel bad for ignoring me, Matt, I'm not expecting anything from you, it's ok if you wanna stop now. I'm not gonna hunt you down until I find where you live and knock at your door ;)"

That was a long one. I refrained myself from reading it again before sending it, because I was sure I wouldn't send it otherwise.  
Sent.

I've done it. I've told him what no one knows about my past. And he would probably guess my job is not really something legal after that. I've laid down my fear at his feet, the fear of the power he has on me.  
I've trapped myself, I was aware of it.  
If he ever replied, then I'd have stabbed myself straight in the heart, building something I'd be obliged to destroy soon because there was a lie that would drive him away when he would know.

I wasn't really tired, since I had slept most of the day before out of boredom.  
I prepared some coffee for a change, took a quick shower while the coffee pot worked, opened the windows for some fresh air, not caring for the light rain pouring on the tiled ground.

I almost let my cup fall on the floor, as I was watching the morning traffic by the window, when I heard the familiar bang.

**Matt:**  
It had been nearly two hours, and she still hadn't replied.

The thought of losing her didn't make me sad, for some reason. It made me exhausted. Bone-deep weary, apathetic, tired. So tired. I forced away the realization that that was what I'm normally like and leaned back as far as my chair would go without tipping over. I had made another batch of cookies, and I hadn't burned them this time. This time they were just runny. I think that's progress.

Shut up, it's progress.

I sat miserably at my computer, eating leftover chocolate chips like a PMSing woman. I wondered if Mello ever ate chocolate chips when she felt like crap.

I'd never know, because she was never going to reply and I'd never get to ask her.

Unfortunately, I'd probably sit at this computer at my every free moment on the off-chance that she did. And that totally wasn't pathetic, right?

I couldn't even blame her for not replying. I mean, gun fanatic or no, she couldn't want a murderer. I banged my forehead on my desk. Stupid, stupid, stupid. I was the one who set up the rules to the game. I should have said we could have one free pass each. Stupid. And now I was gonna lose her, all for telling the truth.

The truth I'd never told any girl before.

I fired up Oblivion, but it, for once, offered no solace. Damn, this girl had me good if even video games couldn't distract me.

I'd have to resort to my X-box 360.

Drastic, I know, but desperate times call for desperate measures.

I turned my TV to the channel it had to be on for my games to work, and caught a minute of the news.

My entire body froze. I had heard his name. His. Anderson's.

Could he have killed someone ELSE?!

I turned the volume up, immediately riveted to the television. I caught the end of the program.

"-fifteen years ago, falsely accused of the murder of the Jeevas family. He was found brutally murdered about two hours ago behind Gravitation, a popular bar in the city. The police say the cause of death was multiple gunshot wounds to the head, and-"

I didn't hear a word after that, my senses shutting down completely and my entire body freezing up. Anderson was dead. Augusten Anderson was dead, and... and... And what? What had changed? Nothing. Slowly I calmed down, but I couldn't relax. Something was wrong, and I didn't mean like a disturbance in the Force because someone had been killed. No, something was seriously wrong.

I almost had a heart attack when Mario's theme song came blasting from my computer. I jumped up and read the whole email in a rush, and when I had finished, I stared at that first line.

_"Matt, I'm sorry I didn't reply immediately. I had to go out and I'm just back."_

It couldn't be. There was no way. Of course not, that would be ridiculous. It was just a coincidence.

I read some parts of it again more slowly, ignoring the stuff about me being a beautiful person. I wasn't, I knew it, whatever.

Although I almost believed it when she said it.

_"I have a scar. That's something ugly eating the left half of my face, my left shoulder and a little lower on my chest. That's why I only provided pictures of my profile without the scar..."_ (Like I cared about a scar at this point. And I'd never had a problem with scars. They're pretty badass in my opinion, and put THAT girl in leather, on a motorcycle, with a gun and some chocolate, and, yeah, the scar fit right in.)

_"The story is simple: I was 15, I had ran away from the foster home I've been placed in after I've been fired from the orphanage because I was too much trouble, because the foster dad beat me up each time he came home drunk, which was almost every day. I had to find a way to survive in the streets and found some people to help me, but they gave me a mission to see if I could work with them, and in the middle of it I didn't have a choice but to blow the place I was in to save the situation. That earned me the scar, and the highest rank in my actual job. I guess you don't get anything without giving something in return..."_ (What kind of job could have put her in that situation? CEO of a multinational... that sounded like a euphemism for... couldn't be, and she couldn't have killed Anderson either, because girls like that don't talk to guys like me and guys like me don't fall in love with girls like that. It's just too crazy, too complicated.)

_"Which makes me want to ask you this, as a third question:  
If you ever reply (which I doubt...), why do you reply? Anyone sane would freak out and run away." (I'm not so sane.) "I'm pretty sure you're not like those freaks turned on by danger and attracted by all the guns/bike/sex attitude."_ (Yeah... let's go with that... Not turned on by her?! I bet the straightest girls in the WORLD are turned on by her.)

_"You seem to be sensitive and fragile, and yet you have the power to make me talk. Who are you, Matt? Who are you to be able to talk to me this way, and actually get answers from me, and I'm not even feeling like beating the shit out of you like I'd have done with anyone else? Ok, that's many questions in one... but I guess it's all the same, the only reply will be your silence. Don't feel bad for ignoring me, Matt, I'm not expecting anything from you, it's ok if you wanna stop now. I'm not gonna hunt you down until I find where you live and knock at your door ;)" _(Yes you would, Mello.)

I started typing immediately. If I didn't go fast she'd think I'd gone to bed.

"No worries about your scar, I like scars. In fact, I'd like to see a picture of it (as much or as little of it as you want to show. ;))" I was trying to lighten the mood, even if it was only for a minute. "For the record, your foster dad is a jackass for beating you. Seriously. It's bad enough that he hit you, but the fact that you're a GIRL just makes it even worse. He's scum, good riddance to him, hope he gets hit by a truck in the immediate future. Also, your orphanage is stupid for kicking you out. What was it called? Maybe we lived at the same one XD."

Wouldn't THAT be interesting. Yeah, it would have been at different times and we wouldn't have met, but it was something to think about.

"That wasn't my question, by the way. But I'm not gonna ask mine yet, I'm gonna answer yours. Why do I keep emailing you? Because you're the single most interesting person I've ever met. Because I'm madly attracted to you. Because we're completely opposite people, but at the same time not so different. Because YOU keep emailing, even when you find out things about ME. (Murder? You seriously took it that well?) And because I don't think I could stop now, even if I tried. Sensitive, maybe. Fragile, well I'm still here, aren't I? People can withstand a lot.

And for the last time, I'm not gonna stop emailing you.

And now it's my turn. Mello... don't get mad, okay? But... did you just kill Anderson? You can't lie. Please tell me."

I clicked send and waited.


	8. Chapter 8

_**Note :** Thank you for so many reviews!!  
Dlvvanzor : Matt  
xxbeyondxbirthdayxx : Mello_

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**Mello:  
**I guess that at that point it was no use to expect him to stop...  
What have I done? I guess that's what you get for playing with people, things just get back to your face... well, I had to admit that I would probably hurt him more than I hurt myself in this, after all, it would be my fault if he rejected me in the end because I'm not a girl. But Matt... he would be the victim of my lie. And there was nothing I could do to change that, he would be hurt no matter how true my feelings are for him.

Shit. That's the first time I admitted the truth to myself... Oh God, what have I done?  
I can't afford to love someone. Where would he fit in my life, risking being killed along with me at any time, being left alone while I'm away for days and not even able to tell him when I'll be back, if I'll be back...?  
Why do I even think about these details? It's not like it's gonna happen, I'm a guy, not the girl he wants.  
But it is me anyway... except that detail (ok, that's a huge detail...) it's me...

How much is surgery to be a girl?

I had a strange feeling while I was reading his mail. He seemed nervous, and I understood why when I read his fourth question. I felt like I would vomit. I knew I would tell him the truth, and yet, wasn't it horrible?  
I had sealed myself in something I had no control over anymore, with a lie that would cost me the only person that seemed to understand who I am. And the only person I cared to understand.

_"No worries about your scar, I like scars. In fact, I'd like to see a picture of it (as much or as little of it as you want to show. ;))_"  
(I guess that's my last chance to make you run away...)

_"For the record, your foster dad is a jackass for beating you. Seriously. It's bad enough that he hit you, but the fact that you're a GIRL just makes it even worse. He's scum, good riddance to him, hope he gets hit by a truck in the immediate future. Also, your orphanage is stupid for kicking you out. What was it called? Maybe we lived at the same one XD."_  
(Hitting a girl or a guy makes no difference, it still hurts the same... but he's dead anyway...)

_"That wasn't my question, by the way. But I'm not gonna ask mine yet, I'm gonna answer yours. Why do I keep emailing you? Because you're the single most interesting person I've ever met. Because I'm madly attracted to you. Because we're completely opposite people, but at the same time not so different. Because YOU keep emailing, even when you find out things about ME. (Murder? You seriously took it that well?) And because I don't think I could stop now, even if I tried. Sensitive, maybe. Fragile, well I'm still here, aren't I? People can withstand a lot."_  
(You only killed once, what should I say?)

_"And for the last time, I'm not gonna stop emailing you."_ (then we have a problem...)

_"And now it's my turn. Mello... don't get mad, okay? But... did you just kill Anderson? You can't lie. Please tell me."_

I took a deep breath and began typing, as quickly as I could. I couldn't wait to know his reaction when he found out I had killed Anderson. And the rest. I had to tell him everything, or almost. I couldn't bring myself to tell him about the fact I was not a girl, that was the last barrier I couldn't break, even if I knew that at some point I'd be forced to, or he would discover by himself. We wouldn't be emailing each other forever, after all...

I took a picture of me and my scar. I didn't look really girly but I didn't care, that would do. I couldn't even smile on that pic. He could see my entire face and a bit of my shoulder, I couldn't show that I had no boobs.

"Here's the pic of my scar... still liking it? This scar is why I love leather. Leather fits like a second skin, but I can take it off, it makes up for this scarred area I cannot pull off...

My foster dad is dead so I guess he's burning in Hell after what he did. The orphanage was called Wammy's, but I didn't stay there that long, maybe one year. I was a bully for the other children so they had enough of me pretty quickly.

I don't care that you killed someone, first because I'm not interested in what you do, but in what you ARE. And second because I can't blame you for something I did too, and more than once. Anyway, whatever you have done or will do won't change anything for me. Matt, I've gone too far to stop what I started; my stupid game has become something I can't control. I still have the hope that you will stop it, but I guess you won't, for the same reasons I can't end it.

So I'm going to answer your question, and tell you things you have to know before you decide if I'm worth another mail.

You're more than certainly asking me that because you saw the news, so yes, I killed Anderson. He was one of my subordinates, I hired him a week ago. I knew what he had done, and that he was not innocent unlike what the media stated, and still I hired him. I work with those kinds of people, specifically BECAUSE they are criminals.  
I also killed my foster dad when I was 16. And many others.  
I do illegal stuff every day- I kill, steal, destroy. I'm not the good person you think I am. I'm as close to Hell as someone can be.

I'm desperately trying to push you away, I'm pretty sure you noticed that. Because as much as I want you, and I'm NOT talking about a one night stand, I don't have the right to pull you in this circle. You may withstand a lot, that doesn't mean you're not broken inside. Appearances are easy to build... we can even believe in our own lies after a time. And no matter how much I want to protect you, I may be your biggest threat.

So, Matt, question time. I have two and couldn't choose which one to ask, so I'll give you the choice for the one you want to answer.  
What is the one thing that will drive you away from me, so we can stop this before something bad happens? (maybe killing Anderson is that one thing, but something tells me that not even that will be enough.)  
Or... Matt, I'm in love with you. Yeah, not a question, I know. But I want an answer anyway, if you choose that one."

Sent.

**Matt:  
**I was reluctant to read her email. What if she really HAD killed him? Would I still be able to accept her?

I opened it, though, looking at the attached picture first.

Oh, so she HAD killed him. I could tell by the way she couldn't smile in her picture, and by the look in her eyes. They said: "Matt..." and that's all. Desperation, fear, worry, hurt. And guilt, but it wasn't from the murder because I knew what that kind of guilt looked like. What could make a girl like HER feel guilty? It would have to be something terrible.

Hmm, with the shot of her full face she looks more masculine. I'd never tell her that of course. Anyway, it was an extremely sexy masculine, so she didn't have to worry.

I finally forced myself to read the letter.

_"Here's the pic of my scar... still liking it? This scar is why I love leather. Leather fits like a second skin, but I can take it off, it makes up for this scarred area I cannot pull off..."_ (That's actually a really good reason.)

_"My foster dad is dead so I guess he's burning in Hell after what he did."_ (Good.) _"The orphanage was called Wammy's, but I didn't stay there that long, maybe one year. I was a bully for the other children so they had enough of me pretty quickly."_ (...)

_"I don't care that you killed someone, first because I'm not interested in what you do, but in what you ARE. And second because I can't blame you for something I did too, and more than once. Anyway, whatever you have done or will do won't change anything for me."_ (I don't even have words for that one. After so many years of trying to convince myself of that, she says it so casually.)

_"Matt, I've gone too far to stop what I started; my stupid game has become something I can't control. I still have the hope that you will stop it, but I guess you won't, for the same reasons I can't end it."_ (Damn straight I'm not stopping it.)  
_  
"So I'm going to answer your question, and tell you things you have to know before you decide if I'm worth another mail._

_You're more than certainly asking me that because you saw the news, so yes, I killed Anderson. He was one of my subordinates, I hired him a week ago. I knew what he had done, and that he was not innocent unlike what the media stated, and still I hired him. I work with those kinds of people, specifically BECAUSE they are criminals.  
I also killed my foster dad when I was 16. And many others.  
I do illegal stuff every day- I kill, steal, destroy. I'm not the good person you think I am. I'm as close to Hell as someone can be." _(I never thought she was a 'good girl.' I was a little alarmed, however, that I wasn't surprised.)

_"I'm desperately trying to push you away,"_ (Keep trying, babe. It's not going to do any good.)_ "I'm pretty sure you noticed that.  
Because as much as I want you, and I'm NOT talking about a one night stand, I don't have the right to pull you in this circle. You may withstand a lot, that doesn't mean you're not broken inside."_ (And aren't you? I've seen your eyes, you can't lie to me.)_ "Appearances are easy to build... we can even believe in our own lies after a time. And no matter how much I want to protect you, I may be your biggest threat._

_So, Matt, question time. I have two and couldn't choose which one to ask, so I'll give you the choice for the one you want to answer.  
What is the one thing that will drive you away from me, so we can stop this before something bad happens? (maybe killing Anderson is that one thing, but something tells me that not even that will be enough.)  
Or... Matt, I'm in love with you. Yeah, not a question, I know. But I want an answer anyway, if you choose that one."_

I think she was trying to short-circuit me by throwing all that knowledge at me at once. She was intense, and there was feeling positively dripping from her words. She really did want me, but she didn't want me in her 'circle,' which I was starting to suspect was something along the lines of a gang. It fit her. There was simply too much to react to everything individually.

The last part, though, is what made me choke on my own spit.

I thought I was absurd for loving her after less than two days, and having only talked to her by email. Apparently she was absurd, too. I guess that worked out then.

I replied.

"This one amazing girl once told me, 'I'm not interested in what you do, but in what you ARE.' Mello, I'm not interested in what you do. I'm interested in what you are. STOP apologizing, STOP trying to push me away, and STOP trying not to hurt me. Relax, talk to me. Be your overwhelmingly interesting and sexy self. It WILL be okay. It's not all on your shoulders. Shut the fuck up and just sit there and be amazing, okay?

I'll answer both your questions and count them both (ha, a twist!), and that will leave me with the last question, and then we'll stop emailing.

First, though, I want to say thank you.

I mean, I can't really thank you for killing someone, but thank you all the same. I would never have asked you to but I'm far from resenting it. I'm... sorry that you added yet another murder to your conscience, but thank you. Thank you so much. I'd kind of... really... been afraid that Anderson would hunt me down for killing Lakes. I don't have actual evidence of it, but judging by how hard Lakes cried and the things he screamed, he loved Anderson. If Anderson loved him too... well... yeah, I was scared he'd come after me.

Second, I want you to know that I lived at Wammy's as well. I would have remembered you even if you look totally different now, especially if you were a bully, so I'm pretty confident that we weren't there at the same time. But still, I think that's pretty cool. My friend Nate that I mentioned earlier, he was from there. He was this freaky smart little guy, I dunno if you ever met him. He'd been there a lot longer than I had, and he stayed a lot later, so it's possible.

Third, I lied to you. I can't bake to save my life. I've been trying to learn since I found out you like chocolate, but it's a disaster. The dream is dead. XD

To answer your first question, there's nothing you could do at this point. Believe me, I tried to think of something. I thought maybe hard-core drugs? Smack, coke, ice, but no, I don't care. (I smoke (cigarettes), by the way.) I really think there's nothing you could do.

And for your second question: I'm in love with you too. Truly, madly, deeply, crazy in love with you. And yeah, I know it's been like two days, and yeah, I know we've never met, but I don't care. I just don't, and I want YOU and I have a feeling that if it works out and even if it doesn't that I'll never want anyone else. So yeah. That's my answer.

Now, my last question, and like yours it's not really a question. We're meeting in one hour. But, since I'm a nice guy, you get to choose where."

Click. 'Here we go.'


	9. Chapter 9

_**Note:** Amazing how much you like this story! To reply to some questions I got, I have to tell that I write Mello's part, then I send it to Dlvvanzor who writes her Matt part and sends it to me, and the first thing I do in the morning is post these parts as a new chapter! We write fast, but it's because we loooove doing this story! Last chapter though, as it's live action, may be a bit longer to come because the way we write it is different and needs more exchanges of drafts! _

* * *

**Mello:**  
As soon as the message left my outbox, I broke down and cried.  
I hadn't cried for years, and I felt like Matt had cut me open and that everything was flooding outside, all I was and didn't want to be, all I did and wished I hadn't done, I was felling for someone that, within less than two days, dug straight into my soul, and was able to gain a power on me I would have let no one have, and more than that, was able to make me accept it.

And here I was, crying like a kid, rocking myself in a pathetic attempt to calm the trembling that was shaking my body, curled on my couch, my eyes stuck to the screen, yearning for his reply to come and fighting the growing sickness that was rising in my stomach at the thought I could have succeeded in making him stop writing me.

How could that have happened? I mean, look at me, look at my life, look at what I am and what I do for a living. How could I, as strong and uncaring as I've always been, as much as I always knew I didn't need anyone, and certainly not in a romantic way, have become this?  
A poor excuse for a man, craving everything I have always been sure I didn't need.  
And I was not even ashamed of it.

I was playing scenes of what I could do if he never replied. Find him, drown him under thousands of roses, abduct him on my motorbike and plead him, down on one knee, to forget I'm a guy, rent a plane to write one of those lame messages in white smoke in the sky...  
Fuck, I was really going insane.  
As if those stupid things only unimaginative people do would change the fact I am not what he expects me to be. The biggest betrayal I could do...

And it arrived. There. In my mailbox. In bold, stating it was unread.  
I think I stared at the screen for a good five minutes before I managed to get a hold of myself and open the message.

_"This one amazing girl once told me, 'I'm not interested in what you do, but in what you ARE.' Mello, I'm not interested in what you do. I'm interested in what you are. STOP apologizing, STOP trying to push me away, and STOP trying not to hurt me. Relax, talk to me. Be your overwhelmingly interesting and sexy self. It WILL be okay. It's not all on your shoulders. Shut the fuck up and just sit there and be amazing, okay?"_  
Those words were the most liberating ones I could have expected.  
I knew he was right, he had his word to say in this matter, but I've always been in charge, all my life, and leaving responsibilities to someone else wasn't something I easily did.

_"I'll answer both your questions and count them both (ha, a twist!), and that will leave me with the last question, and then we'll stop emailing."_  
Shit. I had one more that I could probably never ask then... hey, wait. Stop emailing? No. NO. Why does he wanna stop, after telling me it was ok?  
Tears came back, blurring my sight. I wiped them away quickly.

_"First, though, I want to say thank you.  
I mean, I can't really thank you for killing someone, but thank you all the same. I would never have asked you to but I'm far from resenting it. I'm... sorry that you added yet another murder to your conscience, but thank you. Thank you so much. I'd kind of... really... been afraid that Anderson would hunt me down for killing Lakes. I don't have actual evidence of it, but judging by how hard Lakes cried and the things he screamed, he loved Anderson. If Anderson loved him too... well... yeah, I was scared he'd come after me."_  
(He would have, believe me, even if when he talked about 'that little bastard that's still alive and needs to die,' I didn't know it was you.)

_"Second, I want you to know that I lived at Wammy's as well. I would have remembered you even if you look totally different now, especially if you were a bully, so I'm pretty confident that we weren't there at the same time. But still, I think that's pretty cool. My friend Nate that I mentioned earlier, he was from there. He was this freaky smart little guy, I dunno if you ever met him. He'd been there a lot longer than I had, and he stayed a lot later, so it's possible."_  
(I know Nate, but it's better I don't tell you, just in case you're still in contact with him... he would probably tell you I'm not a girl... too happy to make a fool of me, that albino sheep...)

_"Third, I lied to you. I can't bake to save my life. I've been trying to learn since I found out you like chocolate, but it's a disaster. The dream is dead. XD"_  
(That's just... cute. He tried to learn for me.)

_"To answer your first question, there's nothing you could do at this point. Believe me, I tried to think of something. I thought maybe hard-core drugs? Smack, coke, ice, but no, I don't care. (I smoke (cigarettes), by the way.) I really think there's nothing you could do."_  
(No way I'd take drugs anyway, I like to have my thoughts clear. He smokes. I don't care.)

_"And for your second question: I'm in love with you too. Truly, madly, deeply, crazy in love with you. And yeah, I know it's been like two days, and yeah, I know we've never met, but I don't care. I just don't, and I want YOU and I __have a feeling that if it works out and even if it doesn't that I'll never want anyone else. So yeah. That's my answer."_  
At that point, I was crying and sobbing like mad, reading over and over again the fact he was in love with me. It has to work out. It HAD to. I would kill myself if it didn't...

_"Now, my last question, and like yours it's not really a question. We're meeting in one hour. But, since I'm a nice guy, you get to choose where."_  
Oh No. No no no no no no no. No way. No.

So that's what he meant by 'we'll stop emailing'...  
I seriously, totally and pathetically freaked out. Meeting him? I couldn't! How was I supposed to hide the fact I wasn't a goddamn girl?  
Ok. Calm down Mello. It's not like you didn't see it coming, it would happen at one moment or another.  
But that was fast. One hour.  
One hour and I'd know it my feeling was right.  
One hour and I would, maybe, be able to ask that 6th question.

I tried to imagine what my reaction would have been if he'd said he was a guy, and actually was a girl (yeah, it has to be that way for me, as I wouldn't care for a girl).  
Is gender THAT important when you love the soul inside the body? When the one that's facing you is THE ONE?

At that precise moment, I stopped crying. The one. He is the one. That realization erased all my doubts in a second.  
I knew that whatever lie I'd told him, I would never let him run away before he understands the extend of my feelings.

So I replied.

"You can't bake? Shit, I was ready to marry you because of that... ;)  
I guess I'll have to punish you for lying, right?

My overwhelmingly interesting and sexy self is waiting for you at 11, Northbrook Avenue. Apartment 6, second floor. I'm sorry I'm not really at ease in crowded places like cafes or else. You don't even have to wait an hour, just come. Before I die because of stress. Don't reply to this mail, just come.

And don't forget you said nothing could drive you away..."

Sent.

Oh no Matt, no way you run away...  
I had chosen my apartment, so my plan could work. Once he'd have set a foot here, he wouldn't get out without letting me try to convince him. On my knees if I had to.  
I knew it would probably be the end of this beautiful thing we started, and that, if he rejected me, I would probably go insane and lock him here against his will, or threaten that I'd kill him if he didn't become my boyfriend, I could force him with a gun aimed at his head.  
What am I thinking? I felt exhausted. Empty. I didn't have any strength anymore. It was like everything I had held back for years just disappeared from me. Leaving only my naked soul, no façade, no mask.

The wait saw me freak out, cry, eat several chocolate bars, pace back and forth in my apartment, and glance thousands of times out the window. It was driving me mad.

**Matt:**  
Drama, drama, drama. What is it about a relationship (well, okay, we weren't in a relationship... yet... but still) that immediately attracts so much drama? And how could I be so, so sure that she was the one I wanted? We hadn't even met, and yet...

It didn't really matter. If all went well, I'd be seeing her in an hour.

An hour?!? Fuck! What had I done, setting it at an hour?! I didn't look presentable! I'd been in front of the fucking computer for two fucking days! I hadn't showered, I'd barely even eaten! Fuck! Fuuuuuck!

I ran like a madman straight into my shower stripping as I went, scrubbing off the grime of two days of sweating and crying and being excited: two completely bipolar days that were hopefully going to bring me to the best thing of my life. I used extra shampoo so that I'd smell good and then I brushed my teeth and my hair.

That's about all it takes for a guy to get ready. I was pretty much done at that point. She still hadn't replied.

A devious thought crossed my mind, and I filled my palm with chocolate chips left over from baking, shoving them into my mouth all at once. Now I should taste like chocolate. Bwahaha. I stuck the rest in my pocket. There might be a use for them later, you never know with Mello. I mean, I assume you never know.

Mario's theme song had never been more welcome, and I almost tripped over my chair in an effort to get to my email.

Yes, it was her.  
_"You can't bake? Shit, I was ready to marry you because of that... ;)  
I guess I'll have to punish you for lying, right?"_ (Whatever you say. I got the chocolate chips right here.)  
_"My overwhelmingly interesting and sexy self is waiting for you at 11, Northbrook Avenue. Apartment 6, second floor. I'm sorry I'm not really at ease in crowded places like cafes or else. You don't even have to wait an hour, just come. Before I die because of stress. Don't reply to this mail, just come.  
And don't forget you said nothing could drive you away..."_

...Alright! Insert victory sign here! Huston, we have made contact! Win!

My head spinning, I typed the address into MapQuest to get a map. Damn my printer is slow. She only lived ten minutes away?? How had that happened?? Whatever, I practically ran to my car (ahhh I love my car, my baby, so shiny...) and didn't even pause to really look before I backed out, nearly mowing down a pedestrian. He dived out of the way: it's all good.

My heart was pounding, my palms were sweating, and I was shaking. I'd never been so nervous in all my life. I kept checking my hair in the rearview mirror, looking down to make sure I was wearing pants, etc.

Longest ten minutes of my life. No lie.

I found the apartment building with a little effort, thank you MapQuest, and fumbled a cigarette out of my pocket, lighting it, and taking a deep inhale. Okay. Okay. Nicotine, meet bloodstream. Bloodstream, chill the hell out, already!

I got out of my car, killing my cigarette before tossing it aside. As much as I hate nature, I was generally against pollution. This would have to be an exception.

I ran my hand through my hair, noticing that my goggles were still around my neck. Well, she said she liked my eyes, so I guess I'd leave them there. I was sure I was going to vomit. This was worse stress-wise than my first day of high school and that, let me tell you now, was bad.

Alright, second floor. Apartment six.

I took a deep breath, wishing it were cancer-laced, and rang the doorbell.

* * *

_**Note:** Oh my dog, you're all going to hate us, cliffhanger! But hey, it means that there is more to come!_


	10. Chapter 10

_**Note :** I lied!! Actually, this chapter was finished only a few hours after I posted chapter 9, but as I'm cruel, I kept you waiting and post chapter 10 at my usual morning time (french time), now!  
It's not over yet, believe me, we have some more chapters for you, the 11th one is already written but you'll have it tomorrow anyway! ahahahaha! no chocolate and no cigarettes won't change it! But that's because I love you, wonderful readers and reviewers! I wouldn't want to break your daily routine of YGM, a chapter a day keeps the fangirl at bay!  
Ok, I stop with my stupid rant, just wanted to make a long A/N to put some more suspense before you read this chapter, yeah, I'm an a**hole, why do you think I write Mello? XD_

* * *

**Mello:**  
And suddenly, a red Camaro slid along the road, parking in front of the building (Beautiful car, man). From the distance, I only saw his thin frame and his hair, but such a color could only be him.  
That guy stood out, for sure. I knew at that moment that I was not the only sex magnet in the world. We were two.

My heart tried to escape my ribcage as I saw him cross the courtyard. From there, I could see his goggles around his neck. He wore a black and white striped long sleeved shirt, tight jeans (rrrrrrrr) and black combat boots. Oh god was he sexy...

I immediately loved the way he walked, the way he moved, the way his hair flew because of the wind, the way he threw his cigarette with a pinch before he entered the building...

Ok, I would have a hard time not jumping him right when he entered.

He disappeared under the porch, and a few seconds later, I heard his footsteps in the stairway, and in front of my door.

The doorbell made all my fears rush back into my mind.

I felt like a trapped animal. I had to open this fucking door, but my legs didn't want to move.  
I braced myself, walked to the door, trying not to shake, but I was on the verge of breaking down again.

I opened, feeling like I was in a weird dream. He was there, standing, beautiful. Beautiful. That's all I could think of. I was almost hidden behind the door, I was scared to death. Hell, I was going to faint.

I gestured for him to come in, unable to utter a word. But I didn't need to. He didn't need to hear my voice to understand I was not a girl. His wonderful eyes locked with mine as he entered, smiling so brightly that my guilt sent burning waves to my stomach. And his smile faded. One second and it was over.

**Matt:**  
For a moment, I was sure she wasn't going to answer the door. I probably only stood there a minute, but it felt like forever. Or multiple forevers.

The first thing I saw was her face as she cracked the door open. She was just as beautiful in real life: she really did look like an angel. I was right about the masculine features, though. I was also right about her making them work.

She cracked open the door a little more, and I could see her scar.

If I was the kind of person who disliked scars, I really would have been repulsed. I could understand her concern. It covered almost half her face and neck, but my only thought about it was 'badass.' I was surprised she wasn't blind...

Ah, those eyes. I could finally look at those eyes in real-time. They were better than the pictures: more expressive, bluer. I felt a smile come across my face. This was real. She was here, in front of me. But... why were her eyes so afraid? She was more than just nervous.

She motioned silently with her slender and lightly muscled arm for me to come in. I stepped inside, and now I was grinning, I couldn't help it.

I opened my mouth to compliment her as I gave her the once-over, her leather cl-

-Geeze, she was flat. It didn't matter to me so much, but that must be a source of angst for her. Girls care about that kind of thing, right? I know a lot of guys do. Maybe she was bound for some reason. I dunno.

I traced my eyes down the rest of her. The leather was really flattering to her curves, impossibly tight, and I saw now that it cut off at the midriff. Cool. And the pants were even tighter (the laws of physics take a beating at this proof that two objects can, in fact, occupy the same space), and they did this cool lace-up thing in front. Her legs were-

Wait, what?

What... the FUCK?

My brain shorted out with a sizzle.

Because she had a dick.

Seriously. I mean it. There it was, and there was no denying it. Leather like that hides NOTHING. I could even see a faint outline of balls. That must hurt in the leather.

I felt the smile slipping off my face. I scanned the person's body again on my way back up to... his... eyes. Yeah, 'she' wasn't flat, but HE was.

Mello was a guy.

I didn't mean to say it out loud, but my shock took over my mouth. "Um... you're... definitely... a dude..."

**Mello:  
**His lips moved, and his voice rose in the heaviest silence I've ever known. Oh God, his voice would have felt like a caress if it wasn't for those words that betrayed, more than surprise, the deep shock he just had at the realization I wasn't a girl.

I lost it. My heart sank and my mind clouded. I broke down and cried. Pathetically.

I couldn't even look at him. I didn't want to see those puppy eyes and all the bad I had done reflected in them.  
But shit, I wasn't even sorry for what I'd done. Fuck guilt, I was happy. Happy. Because he was there, in front of me.

So I finally looked straight in his eyes, determined to mentally swallow everything of him, as long as I was allowed to. He would probably be gone soon, and all I'd have left would be the memory of his features. I wish I wouldn't have to remember this confused expression, but I guess it was all he could give me at that precise moment.

I knew I'd never be able to do anything bad to him, even now with my back to the door on purpose, to prevent him from leaving, and as much as I wanted to keep him locked up here against his will because I had realized I would be unable to live without him, I would let him go. But not without fighting, not without giving him everything. If he left, he would take all of me with him, so I would end up being an empty carcass anyway.

"Matt, you'll probably hate me for that, but I'm not sorry for what I've done. If you hadn't counted my two last questions, I would have had one more to ask to you. Whatever you decide now, and even if I don't deserve a favor, please, answer. Would you have mailed me if I had told from the beginning I was a guy? I'm pretty sure you wouldn't have. That's why I'm not sorry. I'll never regret lying about my gender because whatever happens, I met you."

**Matt:**  
I couldn't answer him. For a long time, I only stared, trying to talk myself out of the way I still felt. This was a guy, I was straight. End of story, we'd be great friends and we'd just have to work on getting him to stop lying to me. Penis. Come ON, there'd be two penises in this relationship, which is one more than I wanted! It was absolutely absurd to think that I could still want him THAT way.

But I'd never been good at lying to myself. Justifying things, yes, but never lying. Because I knew, despite what I was telling myself, that besides initial surprise and confusion, my feelings hadn't really changed. I knew it in my gut. My gut is never wrong.

Still fascinating. Still intense. Still overwhelming. Still passionate. Still breathtakingly beautiful. Still those eyes. Still... incredibly sexy. Still so very alive. Still my exact opposite, although not in the one way I wish he were.

He nervously shifted his weight, and I was struck by the grace with which he moved, captivated by his long, pale fingers as he curled his hair behind an ear.

No, nothing had changed. This was Mello, and I was quickly learning that lying was part of the Mello package. And that it was the most exciting package, the most amazing thing.

...Damn it! I was in love with a guy. Nate was right, I WAS meant to be gay. Damn it.

But it wasn't because he was a guy. It was DESPITE the fact that he was a guy. It was then that I realized: it didn't matter. That love could transcend something as silly as chromosomes and hormones and skeletal structure. That it wasn't "I love her" or "I love him," but "I love Mello."

And it was killing me to see tears in the eyes of the one I loved. He even looked like an angel when he cried, even with the snot and the red eyes and the scar that scrunched up when his face did.

So I stepped forward and I fixed it. I took his face gently in both my hands and kissed away each tear, the way I knew no one ever had for him before. I'd read that it was one of the most intimate things you can do for a person: taking their sorrows away from them and into you instead, because you love them and you'd rather hurt than let them hurt.

How did I get him? How did this happen? How did I get so lucky to be the only one this devil-angel could love and be loved by? What did I do to earn this? Or even deserve this?

Fate, enishi, destiny, whatever you want to call it, had been trying to put us in each other's arms for far too long, from the orphanage to the popups to living ten fucking minutes away from each other.

It was time we obeyed.

"I told you there was nothing," I whispered. "And, yeah, I didn't see this coming. But it still isn't enough to get rid of me. Even when I thought you were a girl, I didn't love you for your breasts. I'm afraid a stupid little thing like gender isn't going to change my mind. You're still stuck with me." I laughed quietly. "I really am a puppy."

**Mello:**  
I was staring at him, and I could see in his eyes that he was battling. I moved slightly from the door, freeing it from my guard.  
I saw his eyes follow the movement of my fingers pushing a strand of hair away from my face, behind my ear, and I caught it. That glimpse of love in his eyes.

And it happened. His hands on my face, cupping my cheeks, and those kisses as light as butterflies at the corner of my eyes. I was right. I was fucking right and I mentally raised my middle finger at whatever or whoever had made my life a hell until now.  
Because I was so totally fucking damn RIGHT!  
He was the one, and even my lie, even gender, even me, my worst enemy, were unable to prevent us from finding each other.

Matt was mine...

My usual self came back at lightning speed, from the moment he pronounced the word 'stuck'.  
Hey, don't blame me, Matt was here, his warm hands on my face, his oh-so-sexy body mere inches from mine, and I could feel his breath on my skin. He smelled of cigarette and... chocolate. Damnit! Chocolate!

I grinned, unable to hide the predatory feeling that took me over, and, as my right arm slid around his waist, pulling him roughly against me, my left hand brushed a few strands from his face (and shit, his hair felt so soft!), then, slipping it behind his neck, I crashed my lips on his, licking and biting his lower lips to get access.

He started, but I felt him smile in the kiss.

I broke it, and grinding my body against his, I whispered in his ear.  
"So, now I have to come up with something to punish you for the baking lie..."  
He giggled. Like a girl. And I loved it.  
I trailed my lips along his jaw, and when my mouth met his again, his tongue brushed mine.

And from the little sound he made, I'm pretty sure he realized what it made to my lower half...


	11. Chapter 11

_**A/N:** Hey, it's Dlvvanzor! This chapter is all Matt, so it was written by me. The next chapter will be all Mello, written by the always-fantastic xxbeyondxbirthdayxx, and trust me, you'll enjoy it. The chapter after that will resume the POV switch off!  
_

_By the way, you all rock for reading and reviewing as much as you have! Holy Jeevas! :D Thank you!_

* * *

**Matt:**  
DAMN Mello was a good kisser. My knees practically buckled when he took control, grabbing me to him and biting me. As someone who was used to being on top, it was certainly a strange feeling, not knowing where he was going to go next.

I found out quickly, however, when Mello started grinding on me. I could feel his erection quite firmly against my thigh, and, to my surprise, it was 'doing things' to me. I suddenly had no objection to the idea of being taken right there on his living room floor. I'd never been this excited about a girl.

"So, now I have to come up with something to punish you for the baking lie..." he whispered into my ear. I could feel his hot breath, hear how he was struggling to speak, too.

Yeah, that's my Mello. Ignore the huge lie he told me and punish me for my little one by sexing me up. Worked for me.

I giggled, caught somewhere between breathlessness and horniness, and tried to answer, but he started kissing along my jawline and any control I might have had was lost.

His mouth met mine fully again and I parted my lips, letting him in. I knew I was a good kisser too, which he probably wouldn't expect from me, so now was my chance to show him exactly how good I really was. I deepened it and a small moan escaped him, probably without him even realizing it. I chuckled deep in my throat. Oh yeah. I'm awesome.

His hands were all over me, and I loved it, and he was pushing me gently and firmly to a couch where I expected fantastic things would soon be happening. My cock seemed to agree. He laid me down, pinning me, and his fingers were cool and gentle, but there was a force in him that I couldn't resist as he traced my sides, my lower back, around my hips, to my-

I yelped and jerked, my eyes wide, and he quickly removed his hand from down the front of my pants.

He immediately sat bolt upright and put his hands in his lap, safely away from me. I could tell he was trying very, very hard to not a) rape me anyway or b) relieve himself in front of me. "Sorry," he mumbled.

I shook my head shakily. "No it's okay I'm just..." I chuckled nervously, looking for the word, "...new at this. Girls don't really do this kind of thing."

"We don't have to," he told me quietly.

I propped myself up on my elbows, trying to catch my breath, and when I saw him jerkily look away I realized that the position I was laying in was making it hard for him. No pun intended. I shuffled into a seated position, and his shoulders relaxed.

So I leaned over and put my lips right against his ear, and said, "Yeah, we do. But I want to wait, even if it's only for an hour. This isn't going to be another one night stand. I'll be here until you don't want me anymore."

He turned his head and caught my lips in a quick, chaste kiss. Which must have been difficult, because I could tell he was about ready to burst down there. "Then you're going to be around for a very long time," he informed me at a whisper.

"Good." I smiled at him, and his whole face lit up in reaction to it. I understood then that his lovers probably didn't smile at him a lot, and that it had probably been a while since he'd been intimate with someone without being simultaneously drunk. "Now I'm gonna do something I've wanted to do since I saw your picture."

I wrapped my arms around him, hard, and held him. He was frozen for a minute, confused and unsure what I was doing. After a minute, though, human instinct inspired him and he leaned into me.

I buried my face in his hair. Unsurprisingly, he smelled like chocolate. I chuckled again and murmured into his hair, "Has anyone ever just held you like this?"

He shook his head.

"That's probably why you hate yourself," I said gently, planting a kiss on his neck, under his ear. He shivered. "Get used to feeling loved, Mello." I kissed him on the neck again, and he tilted his head to give me better access. "I'm going to make sure of it. However," I lifted my head and put on the most mock-solemn tone I could manage, "I promise you can have my butt-cherry."

He burst out laughing. Apparently it was not what he had been expecting, and he grabbed his middle, letting himself fall against me completely, still laughing, his shoulders shaking with the force of it. His expression and the beautiful sound made me laugh too, and I squeezed him tight and held on until his laugher finally died down.

There were tears in his eyes, but the good kind, the kind it was my job to make sure spent a lot of time there. He grinned at me, shaking his head, and gasped out, "I haven't laughed that hard in years."

"Get used to that too," I ordered.

He chuckled and burrowed into me. His still-present erection dug into my arm, but I didn't move. I kind of liked it there. It was always easier to tell when a guy wanted you than it was a girl, and I found it a pleasing thing to know.

We stayed that way for a long time, his head on my chest, my lips in his golden hair, talking quietly about whatever came to mind. I knew he wasn't lying anymore. There was nothing to lie about.

I guessed that it was probably about two hours since I'd walked in his door.

"Why do you play so many video games?" he asked me lazily at a lull in the conversation.

I shrugged. "I like them. They're distracting. And they make me forget what a boring, pathetic, lonely life I have. Or had, I guess. Now I've got you. It's impossible to be pathetic, bored, and/or lonely around you."

I felt him tilt his head under my cheek. "Why?"

I shrugged again. "Jack Nicholson says something at the end of the movie As Good as it Gets. He says, 'You make me want to be a better person.' ...That's why. You make me want to get off my ass and- well, okay, get on my stomach and let you fuck my ass, but aside from that- you make me... better."

He sat up slowly, frowning, and looked me straight in the eyes.

The next thing I knew he had me pinned to my back again, and he was kissing me, tears rolling down his cheeks. "I love you," he whispered through his tears. "I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you."


	12. Chapter 12

_**Note: **xbeyondxbirthdayxx speaking! Today's main dish: LEMONS! Mello's POV! As Dlvvanzor wrote the wonderfully sweet previous chapter, Mello said he wanted sex in this one. I had to comply, you know how Mello is... enjoy!_

* * *

**Mello:**  
Once I had him under me on the couch, I began to slide my hand along his side, through the fabric. I didn't want to go too fast although he seemed to like it so much he made it difficult for me to resist. But when I felt his member through his jeans, obviously hard, against my stomach, I lost it, and my hand reached the front of his pants on its own accord.  
Shit, wrong move. Game over.

He let out a small cry and started so hard his knee brushed against my own erection, making things even worse for me. I withdrew away from him quickly and sat, trying to breathe and calm my lust, my hands in my lap to prove him I wouldn't force him (but believe me, it was hard, in every way.)  
He was panting, still laid on my couch, his face flushed, and the sight was putting my hormones into overdrive. I mean, I hadn't had sex or jerked off for two fucking days because I had my mind focused on him, and now, the object of my desire was there, in a position that screamed "FUCK ME RIGHT THERE!"

I apologized (wow, not really used to do that...).  
He simply replied "No it's okay I'm just... new at this. Girls don't really do this kind of thing."  
I guess he would have to get used to my sexual harassment, because not only am I addicted to sex, but with him around, that would just make me a rabbit, I'd want to fuck him all the time.

"We don't have to," I told him, with the most gentle tone I could express. I was sincere, there was no way I would force him, I wanted him to feel at ease, things would happen at his pace. I may be horny as hell, that didn't mean I wouldn't respect him.

I averted my eyes, in hope that not looking at him would keep my hormones at bay, but he did that thing that just killed me. He whispered in my ear, reassuring me about the fact he was willing to do it, but he wanted to wait.

When he smiled to me, so genuinely, I felt so... good. I don't have words for that, it was like if a weight had been pulled out of me. His smile is magic, believe me. I totally melted. And then he hugged me. I was so surprised at first that I didn't know what to do, but I decided to give in, and he held me like this and it felt just right.

Then he said something I really didn't expect: "I promise you can have my butt-cherry."  
I laughed so hard my ribs hurt. Matt is absolutely hilarious.

We stayed like this during probably one or two hours, talking about various things, and it was nice to learn more about him, all these little details I was loving as soon as he uttered them.

And then he told me the most beautiful thing someone ever told me (along with him wanting me to fuck his ass, which didn't help...) and I felt a warm wave wash over me, like if Matt had pulled a blanket of love all over me.  
I was lost between lust and love, and I couldn't refrain pinning him to the couch again, wanting to show him what he was doing to me, telling him how much he meant to me...  
I was crying, but I didn't care, I loved him so much, so fucking much...

He began to reply to my kiss, deepening it. He bent his knees, lifting his legs on each side of mines a bit, making my body slide in the space in between, and hooked his arms around my neck. I broke the kiss as I felt his erection rub against mine through our pants, and looked at him.  
He smiled, his beautiful eyes diving in mines, and the words he whispered against my lips before planting a butterfly kiss on them got the best of my self control: "Mello, make love to me..."

Oh yeah, same player plays again!

I kissed him deep, hard, trailing my lips in his neck, slobbering him all around, I just wanted to eat him. Yeah, Matt is edible, believe me.  
I slid my hands under his shirt and I felt him shiver. His skin was so soft, I couldn't get enough of it. He got rid of the stripped garment, and I could finally admire half of his body. Milky. That's all I could think of. So white, so smooth...  
He might have noticed that I froze, looking at his sexy chest, because he tugged on my leather vest with a smirk. I obeyed to his silent inquiry and unzipped it before letting it fall on the floor once I had it off.

Oh God, his hands stroking my chest... my shoulders... my back...  
It drove me wild. I slid an arm under the small of his back, and slid my fingers on his belly, feeling the soft red duvet that was trailing from his navel to the hem of his pants. His breath became erratic, his eyes focused on me and what I was doing. I calmed things down, dragging my hand upward, letting it rest on his stomach as I kissed him tenderly.

I moved my hand again, softly brushing one of his nipples, and holy shit, that was the end of me. He arched against my hand, moaning so deeply I could feel his chest vibrate under my palm, and his erection twitch under me. I reached for his pants, getting rid of the belt, unbuttoning them, and slid my hand inside, along his member. He moaned louder, bucking into my touch, still gazing at me with so much intensity I had to get a grip on myself before I took him right there with no preparation. He was so hot, so sexy, so beautiful, I wanted him so much...

He began to fight with the lace of my leather pants, tugging on it as the thing resisted. I got back into a seated position to unlace my pants and slide them off, then pulled on his, taking his boxers along. He grinned when he saw I didn't have any underwears. I finally had a splendid view on his cock, and yeah, he was red there too... (I knew it!).  
He became suddenly self conscious as my eyes roamed over his entire body, stopping on his erected (and huge, oh my God... I was happy to be on top) member, and he blushed.

"You're beautiful." I whispered, pulling him against me, in my lap. He placed his thighs on each side of mines, and locked his arms around my neck, kissing me softly.  
Shit, this man is so sweet... we were so far from the harsh, rude and sometimes violent sex I was used to.  
Here we were, me sat on the couch, and him sat in my lap, facing me, and I knew how to go about it so I wouldn't hurt him with my impatience. It was the last thing I wanted, to hurt him. I wasn't just willing to releave my sexual tension, I really wanted to show him_ physically _what I felt for him.

I grabbed his cock and began to rub it slowly, my other hand on the small of his back. I felt him shiver, looking at me lustfully, but so tenderly at the same time it made things in my guts. I smiled.  
He was making soft little moans, and my own erection was beginning to ache.  
The hand I had on his back slid, caressing his butt, until I reached his entrance and rubbed my index softly around it. He gasped, but smiled. I think he was trying to confirm he really wanted it.  
I probed a finger inside of him.  
At that moment, a shadow of anxiety passed through his gaze. I kissed him, before murmuring: "I'll stop whenever you want me to, anytime..."  
"Don't stop!" he replied, grabbing my own erection, and stroking it as he leant to kiss my shoulder. "Don't stop, please...".

I entered a second finger, and Matt pushed himself on my hand, lifting his head to look at me in the eyes. He was beginning to pant. I scissored my fingers, and the way he rocked made his cock thrust in my hand while my fingers dug in him. Once I was sure he was ready, I added a third finger. He whimpered but didn't stop moving, and soon his forehead fell on my shoulder, his breath catching in his throat.  
I kissed his neck, while I moved my fingers inside of him.  
I felt his thighs contract as a loud groan escaped his lips. I had it.  
I stroked the small bundle of nerves again, and... Holy. Fucking. Shit. His head shot up, he kissed me quickly and shifted a bit, positioning himself, and he led my cock inside of him, all the way to the hilt. Then he stopped.

I had a hard time not moving, letting him adjust. He smiled to me again, and I caught his face in my palms, leaving small kisses all over his face.  
He began moving, slowly at first, using my shoulders as a support. I put my hand on the small of his back again, pushing him slightly toward me as I leant a bit more against the back of the couch.

"Mello!" he cried my name as he impaled himself on me again with this new angle I had on him.  
I lost it.  
I began thrusting upward, pushing his back down with my hand, while I rubbed his cock with the other.  
His lips were parted, his pants heavy. Oh God, he was beautiful. More than that. I'd have to create a word to describe him, for I knew nothing that could suit the awe I was feeling just by looking at him in pleasure.

As my cock hit his sweet spot with each thrust, Matt was almost sobbing with the intensity of it all. I was not really in a better shape, I had NEVER felt like that. I had never cared for my partner's pleasure before mine (actually, I have never cared for their pleasure at all, they were just here for me to empty my balls).  
But now, all that mattered was Matt. I wanted him to remember our first time together as something wonderful.

I sped the movement of my hand on his cock, and he became even more vocal. Fuck I loved it. He was moaning my name, not once blinking, our eyes locked. I thrust harder, pounding deep into him, and I adored. Adored. The two or three seconds just before he came. Because he bent over me, clutching his arms strongly around my neck, and, cheek against cheek, he moaned in my ear before leaving a soft kiss there: "My Mello..."  
His body shook, his legs twitched, and he reached his climax, coating my hand and my chest.  
He exhaled, trembling, and stopped moving. I was still going but I stopped too, I could feel he was worn out.

A few seconds later, realizing I hadn't come, he moved to make me slide out of him, and knelt between my legs, on the floor. He grinned, and licked my cock tentatively.  
Seeing that I loved it (how couldn't I?), he took my dick in his mouth, and began sucking, bobbing his head up and down.  
My hands gripped his hair gently, as I let myself go limp, enjoying what he was doing to me. I quickly felt the knot forming in my stomach, and I tried to push him away, bending toward him, afraid to release in his mouth, but he pushed me back on the couch with a hand on my chest, smirking.

He did this thing that drove me totally crazy (and he sealed his fate too, because being able to do that would make me ask him this VERY often). He slid a finger in me while he was sucking me and twirling his tongue at the same time, and he soon found my prostate, caressing it in rhythm with his blowjob, making me scream, and I came hard in his mouth.

I grabbed him and pulled him against me, not caring for the sticky substance between us, and I hugged him, stroking his hair.  
"My Matt..." I whispered, and I felt him smile against my neck.


	13. Chapter 13

_**Note:** Thank you everyone for so many reviews! Here's the end of YGM! We may add another chapter just for fun, maybe... if you're very very kind with us! ahahah!  
And we have a surprise for you but shhhhh... we'll tell you with next chapter!  
Dlvvanzor: Matt  
xxbeyondxbirthdayxx: Mello_

* * *

**Matt:  
**After our last round of the night, just before he dropped off to sleep, I asked him, "So, what's your real job? You're not a CEO."

Half-asleep, he mumbled, "Mafia."

I covered my face with a hand, but I couldn't help but laugh. It was perfect. It was the icing on the cake. It was totally Mello. Plus I was in a good mood. How many orgasms had I had again in the course of three hours? I honestly couldn't remember. "Holy shit. They'll shoot both of us."

"Mafia _boss_," he corrected me, before cuddling closer and finally falling asleep.

I smiled at the tsunami next to me, actually looking peaceful. He was lovely. I kissed him on the forehead and he smiled in his sleep. Even if I did get shot for 'involving' myself with the leader of the Mob, it would be worth it. Seven minutes in Heaven, right?

No, I wanted at least sixty years.

I lay there for hours, just watching him, until it became apparent when the sun started to rise that I would not be sleeping at any point in the near future.

I blamed Mello. My ass felt like I had tried to poop out a bowling ball- he had the endurance of the Energizer Bunny himself. When I pointed this out to him between rounds, he just swore and blamed it on the fact that he hadn't jerked off in two days. Most people can _go_ that long, but you know, whatever. I imagine a sex drive like his is difficult to keep in one's pants. (Yeah, him? He's mine. And he's sexy as hell. Seriously, you should see him naked, it's fantastic. But you won't, 'cause he's mine.)

He rolled over, and I took this as my cue to slip out.

He had told me the day before that he was a sound sleeper, so I was unafraid to turn on the radio as I hunted around his living room for my pants. Not that I was gonna put them on, oh no...

I still had chocolate chips in there.

And there was exactly one thing I knew how to cook.

I scrounged around his kitchen, delighted that he had exactly enough ingredients for what I was planning. I was a master of this recipe, so I had it prepared in five minutes flat, mixed and on the counter in what appeared to be a clean (unused?) pan.

I nearly dropped it when I heard the song that had just started.  
_  
__'Cruised into a bar on the shore  
Her picture graced the grime on the door  
She a long lost love at first bite  
Baby maybe you're wrong, but you know it's all right  
That's right'_

I'd always loved it but...

_'Backstage we're having the time  
Of our lives until somebody say  
Forgive me if I seem out of line  
Then she whipped out her gun  
And tried to blow me away!'_

...but I hadn't been able to relate before! I could sense myself about to burst into song. When the urge comes, I can't stop it. Plus, it reminded me _so much _of Mello! Not that I'd forgotten him for a second.

"Dude looks like a lady!" I belted out along with Aerosmith, popping the pan down on the stove and lighting it, wagging my butt.

_'So never judge a book by it's cover  
Or who you're going to love by your lover  
__Love put me wise to her love in disguise  
She had the body of a Venus  
Lord imagine my surprise!'_

I laughed aloud, adjusting the heat of the stove, still wagging. I could leave it unattended for a moment. Besides, I was going to have to dance to this song. It wasn't an optional thing. It had to happen.

_'That, that, dude looks like a lady!_

_That, that, dude looks like a lady!_

_That, that, dude looks like a lady!_

_That, that, dude looks like a lady!'_

I found myself sliding around on the tile, naked except for socks that I had run to put on just for this purpose, dancing badly. (I'm white.)

_'Baby let me follow you down  
Let me take a peek dear  
Baby let me follow you down  
Do me, do me, do me all night  
Baby let me follow you down  
Turn the other cheek dear  
Baby let me follow you down.'_

I didn't see Mello coming out of the room as I sang along with the next line at the top of my lungs, "Do me, do me, do me, do me!"

_Then _I saw him.

It was impossible to be embarrassed after everything we'd done last night, dancing naked or not. So I didn't stop, and I just grinned at him. "Morning!" I shouted over the music.

_'Ooh what a funky lady  
She like it, like it, like it, like that,  
Ooh he was a lady...'_

**Mello:**  
Matt. Is. A. Sex. Toy. I swear, for his first time(s) on bottom, he took me in as many times as I wanted. I lost count but it took me more than three hours to be satisfied. And it was Matt. With anyone else, it would have taken the whole night. But I think he'll have difficulties to sit for a while after that.  
Fuck, that was great. I love him.  
I finally fell asleep, snuggling into him. Into my boyfriend (insert wide happy grin here).

I woke up in a happy mood, which doesn't happen often, let me tell you.  
The smile that was beginning to spread on my lips disappeared when my arm met an empty space beside me in the bed. I sat in a jerk, to see that I was alone in my room.  
Panic rose in my guts, quickly going away as I heard the radio and... Matt singing? Holy fuck!  
The smile came back on my lips and I headed for the kitchen not to miss the concert (ooowww, all my muscles ached, particularly in my thighs).

Matt was dancing on an Aerosmith song, naked, only with his socks on. I had a hard time not bursting into laughters.  
He was nearly screaming the lyrics, and that was just hilarious (and tempting...).  
He finally saw me, but didn't lose his composure and greeted me, a frying pan in one hand, a big grin on his beautiful face. I'd have to ask him something later...

"Do you?" I smirked, "I thought last night would be enough for you, at least until you can sit again..."  
He laughed and slid on his socks to where I was standing, and hugged me, pecking me on the lips, before going back to the stove.  
I prepared some coffee, took two mugs and plates out of the cupboard, and we sat at the counter once he had finished preparing the pancakes.  
Chocolate chip? I didn't remember buying some. Oh, then that's why he tasted like chocolate...

We made small talk while eating. I couldn't stop looking at him and I finally reached for his face with my hand, stroking his cheek with my thumb. He looked at me questioningly.  
"You're a ray of sun." I simply replied. I meant it, he was shining, bringing light into my life.  
"Mello, thank you... for making my first time with a guy so meaningful, and so great... I mean, I always thought gay sex was horribly painful." he smiled.  
"That was my first time too, you know..." I replied.  
He gazed at me, not understanding.  
"That was the first time I made love, Matt."  
He jumped from his seat and hugged me, kissing me deeply. Man, I'd kill for him... (wait, I did already...)

"Mello, I have to go home to get some stuff, I won't be long." Matt was dressing in the living room.  
I took my chance to ask him what I wanted since a little earlier.  
"Matt..." I embraced him, burying my nose in his neck, "Not just some stuff, what about bringing _all_ your stuff here?" I added.  
He looked at me. "You mean...?"  
"Yeah..." I smiled at him, "Sex toys have to be within hand's reach..." I teased him.  
"Aw man, I thought you wanted to give a puppy a home, I'm so disappointed." he laughed.  
"The puppy's got a new home already." I whispered, kissing him softly, "Just here." I gesture toward my heart.  
He blushed and giggled (yeah, like a girl, again...) and shit, I love that!

"Mello, do you want me to take the garbage bag out?" Matt asked before leaving my apartment.  
"No, don't bother, I'll do it myself." I smiled to him as he closed the door, winking at me.

* * *

_**Note:** To understand the last line, you have to go back to chapter 1! (just in case it's not obvious!)_


	14. Chapter 14

Hello!

Sorry to give you a false hope, but no new chapter, just a note that Dlvvanzor and me considered important enough that we should post it here.

We finally decided there wouldn't be a 14th chapter, for it is obvious that the fic is finished as it is. We thought it would be nice to warn you. So YGM is irremediably complete!

But if you want to follow us in other adventures, you can check the shared profile we created for our coauthored fics after You've Got Mail:  
**Goggles and Chocolate**  
(you can find it on our personal profiles in the favorite authors list!)

We already finished another cowritten fic that you will find under the shared profile:  
**Peeping Tom **_(__Mello moves in a new apartment, unfortunately, he won't be as peaceful as he expected, with this redhead neighbour stalking him from his window...)_

And there is more to come soon:  
**Dante's inferno** _(based on the oneshot written by xbeyondxbirthdayxx named Bubbles, and Dlvvanzor suggested we develop the subject__, so read Bubbles and you have Dante's Inferno's summary!)_**  
**

Thank you to everyone that read and reviewed YGM! We love you!

**Dlvvanzor **and** xxbeyondxbirthdayxx**


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